The Great Diva Sabotage
by Azrael-013
Summary: [Complete] Another year, another Diva Search, and WWE gains more eye candy than merit. Well one diva has frankly had enough and enlists the help of a fan to aid her. T13 for humor and language.
1. The Plan

  
**The Great Diva Sabotage**

Genre: Humor  
Rating: T-13  
Summary: Another year, another Diva Search, and WWE gains more eye candy than merit. Well one diva has frankly had enough and enlists the help of a fan to aid her. T-13 for humor and language.

Disclaimer: I do not want to own Christy, Maria and Candace, I do not want to own the wannabe divas. I do not want to own the Diva Search, its tasteless premise and filthy course. I do not want to own WWE, for its current state does not appeal to me. All of the superstars mentioned belong to themselves respectively, except Jericho, Rene half of the World Tag champs who belong to me. And now I must cease to rhyme, because... well, because frankly it's a pain in the ass.

I can't be the only one who hates current shambles that is the Women's division. Sure I hate a lot of things in the state of WWE programming nowadays; Hassan and Daivari's gimmicks, the underappreciation of the cruiserweights, the Edge/Lita angle and the subsequent belittling of Matt Hardy, but as a woman the lack of strong female roles is what I feel most strongly about. I might not be able to do anything about it directly, but a lot of my rage has gone into this story. Don't worry, it's not all half-crazed rantings of a pissed-off chick, there's a definite plot and hopefully a lot of laughs. I don't plan to make this very long, just three or four parts at the very most.

Date Uploaded: 22 June 2005

**Part 01 - The Plan**

Victoria stared long and hard at the poster. It was straightforward enough; $250 000 and a guaranteed RAW contract would go to the winner of the latest Diva Search. She scowled. 

So that was what it took to become a WWE Diva nowadays? Shaking your ass and degrading yourself in skimpy outfits for the benefit of horny fanboys? Giggling as cutely as you could into a microphone? Pretending you can wrestle in worthless lingerie pillow fight matches?

Victoria continued seething at the flyer posted on the wall in front of her. Great, more bimbos. As if Christy Hemme and her sickeningly upbeat girl scouts in tiny skirts weren't bad enough.

The women's division had become a farce due to these Diva Searches. Victoria had stood by as one by one all the talented female wrestlers had been picked off; Jacqueline, Jazz, Gail Kim and Molly to name a few. All who had strived through years of training to be able to do what they did in the ring. Every single one of them passed over for Candace whatsername and Maria whosiewhatsits in bikini competitions.

In a fit of fury Victoria grabbed one end of the poster and ripped it clear off. She was about to tear it to little bits and toss them away like confetti when she stopped.

Was she really going to stand by again? Trish was out of the picture with an injury and the bitch had taken the Women's Title with her. Lita seemed too busy swapping spit with Edge in disgusting show segments. That left only her.

Oh no, she didn't go through tables, bruise her ribs and get socked in the face over and over again just to see her career go down the drain due to a bunch of floozies who would willingly strip for an audience. Victoria stuffed the ruined poster in her pocket and stalked off, a plan already beginning to form in her mind.

»»»

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. It wasn't too healthy to be chucking fruit either, and right now Pyper and O-Gee were staring at the large hole in one of the floor to ceiling windows of the pad. Outside on the ground was a rather splattered honeydew.

"Damn," Pyper said for about the fifth time since she had peered out the window. "Imagine what would have happened if you had brought Azzie watermelons."

"I was about to, but honeydews were on sale," O-Gee replied, still a little stunned.

Azrael herself was in the background, noisily arguing with a repairman on her cellular phone. "… Yes, a honeydew. No, it's green and about the size of a melon… what does it matter what the hell kind of fruit it was anyway? What I need to know is how soon can you send someone over to fix it…"

It was at that point that the landline started ringing. O-Gee walked over to the kitchen counter and answered it. "Hello?"

"I'd like to talk to Azrael, please," the calm, low voice on the other end said.

O-Gee looked to where Azrael was still on her mobile, making lethal jabbing motions in the air as she continued to heckle the repairman. "She's… a little busy right now."

"It's urgent; I really need her to come to the phone."

Suddenly there was a horrendous crash and both O-Gee and Azrael swiveled around to the window. Pyper stood there, looking both startled and sheepish, a finger held to where glass used to be. Apparently she had tested the shattered remains of the window and it had now collapsed fully, leaving nothing but a hole and a large draft. "Whoops."

"PYPER!" Azrael roared. She unthinkingly reached for another honeydew and Pyper squealed, knowing it was time to make herself scarce. Pyper raced out of the room just as the fruit was hurtled at her, missing her by inches and instead hitting a table lamp.

"Azzie, you know that's how this whole thing started!" O-Gee said to her older sister in a mildly accusing voice.

"Well if your sister just hadn't decided that she would send Randy Orton get well flowers every hour on the hour on MY expense account that blatantly displays MY name on it, then I probably wouldn't have resorted to trying to decapitate her with fruit!"

"Was that it? I thought it was because you found out she fixed Rene Dupree up on a date with Jenna Jameson."

This was obviously not the brightest thing to say as a second later another honeydew crashed through another glass wall, this time narrowly missing O-Gee, who had had the good sense to duck, by a hair. The ten-year-old shrieked and made a break for it, dropping the landline onto the floor.

Azrael groaned as she surveyed the mess. Trust her sisters to bring ammo when they broke bad news to her. She spoke sharply into the mobile again. "Your workload just doubled. I'll expect you here in an hour," and with that she ended the call.

She stepped around the counter and caught sight of the landline among the broken glass. She went over to pick it up, shaking it thoroughly to make sure no shards were left on it, and heard an indignant voice squawking on the other end. "Hello?"

"… Is going on over there? I call at a perfectly respectable time of day and you're apparently in the middle of guerrilla warfare! Uh, Azrael? This is you now, isn't it?"

"Yes. Listen, whoever you are, a bunch of things have come up that I have to rectify. Maybe we can continue this conversation some other time? I think I may be free tomorrow at four," Azrael said, going over to right the table lamp and having no intention of being accessible at the given time.

"You won't be and we both know it. This is Victoria."

Azrael blinked in surprise and settled onto the couch. "Well that changes things; I'm free right now. So what can I do for my favorite WWE Diva?"

"Considering whatever's left of the female roster, being your favorite doesn't stand for much," Victoria answered with unusual wrath.

"Well somebody sounds upset. But then again if I had to go through an angle wherein I have to get beaten down by Christy Hemme I'd be spitting bile too."

"Yeah, well I'm fed up with it. Just a year ago we had a healthy female roster and the Women's Championship was a coveted title. Now we have three serious competitors, of which I am currently the only one left standing, and the title is a joke. And I know that as a woman you're as pissed off with the situation as I am."

"I won't deny that," Azrael said with a frown. And then she smiled. "Wait a minute. You sound like a chick with a plan."

"You're damn right, and a pretty good one at that. And I didn't call you just to share. I'm expecting help. A lot of it."

"Victoria, you know I'd back you up in anything, but I do have a life too. And right now it entails fixing up broken windows, momentarily canceling my credit cards, hunting down my unwilling French stud…"

"Choose not to take part in this and Christy Hemme will be wearing the Women's Title in two and a half weeks."

"I'm in. Now tell me what you've got in store."

»»»

Seeing as Azrael and her two misfit sidekicks Pyper and O-Gee would be conspicuous sneaking around backstage, Victoria had to bring in a few others into the idea. Sure she could include some of the men, but that was far too risky in her opinion. She definitely wasn't going to traipse over to Stacy Kiebler for help either. But she came up with a solution soon enough.

Alexis Laree and Angel Williams were OVW talent, all brilliant and promising yet were not about to get called up to the main roster anytime soon. Despite initially unsure about the idea, more so because Victoria was pitching it, they soon realized that it would largely benefit them too.

"And besides, even if it falls through, we'll finally get some air time," Alexis said with a grin.

"Don't be so fatalistic," Azrael reproved. "That's my job."

They were in Azrael's pad the very next day. Fortunately the repairmen had come over yesterday and had fixed up both windows, and Azrael had put both Pyper and O-Gee to work vacuuming the place while she had run out to do some errands. Now the six of them, minus O-Gee who was asleep in Azrael's bed, were sitting down to discuss the operation proper.

"Basically this set up has two parts," Victoria began. "First is to curb the already rampant outbreak of useless Divas on the roster. Now technically I can handle Christy," she said forcefully, as if trying to pretend the disastrous inter-gender match of two RAWs ago had not happened. "But it's not just about handling them. It's about showing them that women, at least in the RAW brand, are not all about decoration.

"And so we, Alexis, Angel, and I, of course, challenge them. Call them out. Make it a full-fledged war if we have to. They can either attempt to wrestle us or finally realize that they're in over their heads," Victoria grinned. "Even if we have to beat it into them."

"I have nothing against that plan, but there's one little problem," Angel spoke up. "Eric Bischoff and the RAW creative team. They haven't given us women a break all year and I doubt they'll agree to this 'uprising' of ours, so to speak."

"That's true," Alexis agreed. "They'll veto our plans if we propose it to them and probably fine or suspend us if we go through with it without their prior consent."

"That's why we're going over them," Victoria said.

"I have a few names in my rolodex that hold considerable weight," Azrael said. "Stephanie McMahon is one of them," she held up her hand when Angel looked skeptical while Alexis opened her mouth to protest. "I know she's been less than reliable in the past, but I'm going to make her 'see the light' one way or the other. And if that doesn't work I'll move even further up to Linda. Somehow they have to acknowledge the demeaning role their female roster has sunk to."

"Once we get the go-ahead we spring this part of the plan into action," Victoria said.

"And so what's part two?" Alexis asked.

"Further prevention," Victoria answered. "Of course the next RAW Diva Search is coming up."

There were groans and mutters all around. Azrael went up to get some refreshments while Victoria continued. "I know, my sentiments exactly. But we've got that area covered as well. This is where Pyper and O-Gee come to play."

All throughout the meeting Pyper had been silent, and the reason for this became obvious when they turned to see busy following dust specks with her eyes. "I thought I got them all," she murmured in a resigned fashion. "But there's so many of them…"

"Uh, Pyper?" Angel asked cautiously, waving a hand before her eyes.

Pyper blinked and snapped to attention. "Huh, what? Oh right, the mission," she reached over to her side and lifted a bunch of file folders to the coffee table, spilling them out on top. "Here so far are the contestants still in running for the Diva Search. What O-Gee and I are going to do, while not in the most scientific of terms, is to freak the hell out of them. Get them to pull out of the competition themselves."

"And how exactly do you plan on doing that?" Angel inquired, curious.

"By employing fan boys, lechers and stalkers to bug them day in and day out," Pyper said brightly, obviously in her element. "A few days of being harassed, followed and obsessed over should make them at least think twice about going through with this whole shit."

"But you've been doing that to Chris Jericho for years now and he hasn't caved," Alexis pointed out.

"Ah, but that's because my Chrissie is made of much stronger mettle than that," Pyper said, sighing fondly. "Which reminds me, I have to replace the camera he found and thrashed in his car again."

"Don't ask, just don't ask," Azrael groaned, sitting back down with glasses and a bottle of Dom Perignon.

Angel had been looking through the files and occasionally smirking, rolling her eyes or looking disgusted. "I see you have a dedicated, er, 'follower' for each lady already. Where did you get these guys?"

"Pyper's directory is full of them," Victoria said with a laugh. "The best part is that they agreed to do it for nothing."

"I'd expect a lot of naughty pictures to surface on E-Bay, though," Pyper said.

"And what if the drooling fan boys don't work?" Angel asked, continuing to look skeptical. "What then?"

Pyper's eyes got an evil glint in them as she grinned. "Then Azzie and I will personally step in. And we can be, um, quite persuasive," she folded her hands across her stomach and settled back into her chair contentedly, like a Don pleased with his decision.

"Well, like I said, if this can salvage me any part of an on-air career then I'm willing to go for it," Alexis said, sitting back as well.

"So we're all in?" Victoria inquired, looking around.

Pyper beamed at her, Alexis gave her a thumbs up and Angel nodded with a smile and a wink. "That settles it then," Azrael said, picking up the bottle. She popped the cork and it immediately sailed past Pyper's head and right into one of the new windows. It hit the glass and cracked it, falling back down to the floor.

All the girls looked at the window, Pyper giving a small sigh of relief. Of course at the next moment the crack spread and the glass once again shattered, raining shards down to the carpet.

"Oh for fuck's sake, not again!" Azrael wailed.

»»»

Being the director of the creative department and, of course, daddy's little girl had its perks. One of them was lying in a hammock outside a lavish vacation hut on the shores of Coyaba beach in Jamaica. Stephanie McMahon sipped her daiquiri and closed her eyes underneath the cool shade of the trees. A month was too short for these kinds of holidays. Next time she would make it two.

The door to the hut slid open and a voice called out. "Jesus, Steph, did you clean out the bar or did management just forget to restock? I was lucky to fix myself a G&T."

Stephanie's response to that was the spray her strawberry flavored drink out in surprise. She turned to see Azrael walking over, looking hot and bothered even in ankle pants and a tank top. "What the hell are you doing here?" Stephanie demanded, pushing herself up on the hammock.

Azrael took a seat on out of the outdoor lounges and sipped her drink. "Why else would I look for you in such a far off place as Jamaica if I didn't have business with you?"

Stephanie scowled at her. "I'm on vacation."

"I can see that. Frankly I'm surprised it hasn't been permanent."

"Listen, I explicitly stated to everyone who knew where I would be going that I was NOT to be disturbed."

"People are notoriously easy to buy off, Steph, you ought to know that."

"I've been meaning to ask where the hell you get your funds from, considering you don't seem to have any tangible financial support."

"None that can be traced on paper, dear," Azrael said nonchalantly, pushing her sunglasses to the top of her head. "Now, are you ready to talk business or would you like another daiquiri first?"

Stephanie looked to where the pink liquid dotted the sand. She glared irritably at Azrael. "I'm not going to get rid of you until you've had your say, now am I?"

"Nope."

"All right then, talk."

"Good. Let me get straight to the point then. I find it intolerable that the women's division of WWE is in shambles when the creative department head is a woman herself. Simply put, Stephanie, what the hell is wrong with you?"

Stephanie bristled at that. "When I said we could talk that never meant you could take shots at my character and authority, Azrael."

"Hard not to when you're not doing anything," Azrael snapped back. "It's 2005 and yet within the space of months the roles of women on the shows have been devolved into nothing but hos and sexpots. Chicks are being hired solely on the basis that they look good in bikinis. I have had to sit through lingerie pillow fights, Steph. A sledgehammer to the head would have been more pleasant."

"Well, unfortunately, sweetheart, that sells," Stephanie retorted. "I don't like to admit it, don't get me wrong, but WWE's primary demographic are overeager males between the ages of fifteen to thirty-five, a vast majority of which enjoy the sight of young girls bouncing around in immodest clothing. This is the portion of the audience that buys the most tickets, shirts and stuff the company puts up for auction. And I for one am not about to argue with numbers."

"Even if it's degrading and offensive to your own gender?"

"Oh please, you're hardly the spokesperson for morality yourself," Stephanie said, leaning back in her hammock.

Azrael frowned and opted for another angle. "You do realize that a similarly large portion of the company's fanbase are young girls, right? Those that are still impressionable will see this kind of display and think that slutting yourself up is acceptable. Those who can think for themselves will become disheartened, lose faith and may end up abandoning WWE altogether. And you sit back there trying to delude yourself into thinking that everything is going to be all right?"

"The women fans watch for the sake of seeing guys like Orton and Cena shirtless," Stephanie said. "To each their own."

"Bullshit," Azrael said. "I have yet to see men compete in underwear matches. And frankly if that did happen I wouldn't be here."

"Sorry, wrong channel. I believe the gay community may have something like that, though. You should check there."

"Ooh, funny. Leave the wisecracks to me, Steph; I deliver them with a little more panache than you do."

That did it. Stephanie lost her temper and yelled shrilly at Azrael. "That's it; this discussion is over! I have more than made my point and your argument barely has a leg to stand on. Now get the fuck out of here before I call authorities and report you for harassing me!"

Azrael didn't budge. She still had one ace up her sleeve. She took another sip of her drink and spoke again. "Remember when you held the Women's Championship, Steph?"

Somehow that subdued Stephanie. She gave Azrael a guarded look. "What about it?"

"Those were the days when that belt meant something. Sure you may have won it unfairly from Jacqueline, but that's not the point," Azrael said with a shrug. "I ask you now, you felt pride in carrying that title, didn't you? It symbolized something. Maybe not that you were the best woman in the ring skill-wise, but that you were the most dominant and the most powerful. Out of an impressive female roster you had the belt over your shoulder. It felt good, didn't it?"

Stephanie frowned and narrowed her eyes at Azrael. She hated to admit it but the hack of a writer had a point. "And so what if it did?"

"Can you honestly tell me that you can stand to see someone like Christy Hemme winning it in the near future, a rookie Diva whose in-ring prowess is limited to a couple of monkey flips and parading around in skimpy clothing? Can you stand to think that someone like her will be able to hold the honor that was equal to you? That something you yourself once revered is whittled down into a joke?"

In dealings, it never failed to go straight for the ego. Stephanie sat rigid in the hammock, glaring tight-lipped at Azrael. It was quiet for a solid minute until Stephanie spoke. "So just what was it you were suggesting again?"


	2. Setting Things in Motion

  
I saw RAW. All the women in the running are hos. The only one who showed any actual promise was the last one... Alexis, was it? And considering that Pyper and our cousin Juice said she 'looked like a man', I have no doubt those who actually vote for these things, not to mention the powers that be behind the scenes, will label her the first to go.

With that cheery little note, here's the second part. From the reviews, I'm glad to see that not only the women are fed up with this shite too! I failed to mention in the first part that suggestions are more than welcome. Oh, and for the fake website I used directly below, I had to replace the dot (.) with a dash seeing it wouldn't have come up otherwise. And Acey, I'll gladly take that moniker! Here's chapter two!

Date Uploaded: 30 June 2005

**Part 2 - Setting Things in Motion**

TheWrestlingStoolPigeon-com

Diva Wannabes Dropping Out?

With the 2005 RAW Diva Search just getting into full swing with preliminary judges Christy Hemme and Jonathan Coachman, it's a wonder exactly why the contestants have suddenly taken to dropping like flies.

It started two days ago when three women reportedly pulled out of the running due to unstated circumstances. Yesterday another followed and before the final eight could be announced, another two were said to have withdrawn themselves from the contest as well.

The reason for these events are still rather unclear, but a statement from an insider who prefers not to be known testified that the cause are fans. Fans? Well, not your average run-of-the-mill fans, however.

"I'm talking the obsessive, creepy, follow-you-around-with-a-camera type of deals," the insider said. "Somehow these head-cases swarmed in on the contestants and pretty much managed to scare a few of them off. We should look in on the matter, considering these fledgling stalkers appeared all at once in one big horde."

WWE management has confirmed that even in light of these incidences the Diva Search will continue. The last qualifying round will be held shortly to determine the final eight who will debut on RAW and fight for your vote.

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Poll: Worst On-screen Couple – Is it Lita and Edge or Lillian and Viscera?

»»»

"It's just too weird," Jonathan Coachman was saying to Christy Hemme the next morning. The two of them were seated at the judge's table in a small auditorium, getting ready for the latest round in the Diva Search. "Five of the contestants drop out claiming harassment from the fans already? We haven't released any names or details to the public yet!"

"I know," Christy agreed as a hairdresser fiddled with her red locks. "I mean, last year when I was in the competition it took at least two live shows before I got my first peeping tom. I'd say the fans are getting more zealous over this whole thing."

Coach nodded in agreement and let out a sigh. "Well at least we still have more than enough who stuck around." He turned to the production manager for the segment. "So, are we about ready to start?"

"Almost," he answered, looking at some notes. "We're just waiting for the third judge to arrive and then we're good to go."

"Third judge?" Coach and Christy echoed in bewilderment.

The production manager nodded and gave them quizzical looks. "Weren't you informed? We got word from forces higher up this morning."

Coach scratched his head. "I never heard anything about adding another person to the panel. So who is this new judge anyway?"

"Right here!" a new voice promptly called. The two already at the table turned to see the smiling face of one miss Ivory. The former Women's champion headed over and slipped into the last seat, placing her stuff on the tabletop. "Good morning. Sorry I'm late, it took me a while to find the venue."

"Ivory?" Coach said in surprise, staring at her dumbly. "What are you doing here?"

"Apparently I'm part of the panel now," Ivory said, looking amused at having to state the obvious. She shuffled through the papers in front of her as she continued. "Stephanie McMahon called me out of the blue last night and asked me to fill in the position. I guess she figured three people at the table was a good, round number."

Christy frowned, not liking this sudden disruption. The contest had moved on with just her Coach all this time; what prompted this change? She was kept from saying anything, however, as the qualifying round started and the cameras began to roll.

Ivory watched with a complacent smile on her face as the hopefuls were brought out. All of them were buoyant and excited, supporting bright smiles and strutting in wearing possibly the tiniest bikinis they could find. Ivory checked her papers again; had this type of attire been mandatory? Oh yeah, there it was on page four. She stifled a sigh as the girls waved, cooed and pouted to attract attention to themselves. The production manager shouted directions as the girls paraded and filed past.

It was an understatement to say that Ivory had been surprised to receive that call from Stephanie the night before. "I wasn't aware the Diva Search needed another judge," she had said into the phone, her tone barely masking her distaste.

"Consider it a sudden change in plans," Stephanie answered from the Norman Manley International Airport in Jamaica. She had then proceeded to explain to Ivory the details of what was now becoming to be known as the Great Diva Sabotage.

Ivory listened, skeptical, before stating, "It will never work."

"I'm Stephanie McMahon, damnit, I'll MAKE it work!" Stephanie declared pompously, mimicking her father's often-said line. "Now are you in? Because I promise you that your role is going to be a lot of fun."

"Stephanie, you're not drunk, are you?" Ivory asked suspiciously. This didn't sound like the usual self-absorbed, head-elsewhere Stephanie that the creative department had had to put up with for the past few years.

"Give me some credit, Ivory, I just got on the plane. But Azrael's gone and ordered us a bottle of champagne for starters, so I may not be doing so well once I land." Her voice drifted towards the back. "Closing the door? Yes, yes, I know we have to turn off our cellphones, give me a second!" She turned her attention back to Ivory. "So what'll it be?"

Even debating whether Stephanie was under the influence of something or possessed, Ivory found herself accepting. Now she was here.

Snapping out of her reverie she noticed that they had started to bring in the contestants one by one. The first was a blonde who had tried to punk up her pink bikini by affecting a backwards baseball cap, fishnet stockings and a leather belt. She gave then a grin that mixed a bit of a smirk in it. This was Ashley.

"So, Ashley," Coach began, giving her a smile. "Tell us a little about yourself."

"Well I used to be a gymnast," Ashley said. "I have had some experience in front of a camera, like hosting shows and posing in magazines. I'm a huge fan of rock music and I'm also into motorcycles."

"Cool," Christy said, nodding her head. "How much do you want to be a diva?"

Ashley's smile widened. "More than I could possibly describe. I adore the business and I know it can benefit from me as much as I can benefit from it."

"Well, I got to tell you we love your overall look," Coach said, as Christy agreed with him with a few more bobs of her head. "You give off this spunky vibe and…" he trailed off as Ivory cleared her throat beside him. He had almost forgotten that it just wasn't him and Christy before. "Uh, you wanted to say something, Ivory?"

"So good of you to be so perceptive, Coach," Ivory said. She looked at Ashley. "I have a couple of questions for you, Ashley. Do you have any wrestling background? Training, experience?"

"Well, my dad and brother, as well as an uncle of mine, have all competed in the sport," Ashley offered.

"That's all well and good, but what about you?" Ivory followed up, her eyes hard.

"Not quite," Ashley said slowly, knowing that she had to give a good answer. "But I am more than willing to learn."

"Good," Ivory said, nodding her head. "So in the event you win this competition, you wouldn't be adverse to taking about a year off at OVW to train, now would you?"

"What?" Ashley looked stunned. "But I thought for sure training would coincide along with TV appearances. I mean Christy here appeared on almost every RAW following her win and…"

"So that's a no?" Ivory cut her off sharply.

Christy grabbed Coach's sleeve. "What is she doing?" she hissed.

"I don't know!" Coach hissed back frantically. He turned to the production manager. "Is she allowed to antagonize the contestants like that?"

"We were given orders to let her ask whatever questions she wants," he answered with a shrug. "Even if it's something as potentially embarrassing as how often one of the women shaves in a month or her bowel movement. As far as I'm concerned this is standard fare."

"Thank you, you may go," Ivory finally dismissed Ashley. The blonde, looking absolutely taken aback, trudged off the platform, pulling her cap off and scratching her head. "Next!"

Next up was Alexis, who proclaimed herself a big WWE fan and had appeared in a few movies as well as music videos. In response to Ivory's same question, she replied that she had had no professional training either. "Does backyard wrestling count, though?" she asked with a teasing smile.

Ivory's own smile had been frozen on her face, obviously not appreciating the joke. "No, I'm afraid it doesn't."

"Ivory, come on," Christy suddenly interrupted, although she tried to keep her tone light. "It was never specified in the qualifications that training or experience in the ring was necessary. It wasn't last year either."

Ivory couldn't help but snap back at her. "And do you sincerely think that was a good thing, Christy?"

Christy scowled immediately. "And what was that supposed to mean?"

"Ladies, ladies, please!" Coach said, looking distinctly uncomfortable between the two of them. "We do have a segment going on here that's being filmed! Let's finish this first!"

Meanwhile Alexis' brow furrowed in confusion. "Er, is that all?"

"Quite," Ivory answered before Christy could. It was suddenly becoming apparent now who was running the show. "Next!"

Christy seethed, Coach looked anxious. The next contestant stepped in. "Hello, I'm Summer," she greeted with a wave, clothed in something that was green and seemed to be held up only by means of dental floss, leaving little to the imagination. Off to the side a cameraman went for the impulsive, gratuitous ass shot.

Despite wincing at the scandalous getup of the blonde creature in front of her, Ivory's complacent smile had become wicked. Stephanie was right, this was fun. "So, I don't suppose you've had any wrestling background, hmm?"

»»»

"I don't believe it; FIVE?" Pyper's angry voice rose over the blasting car stereo as she and O-Gee rolled down and came to a screeching stop at a red light.

O-Gee was at first too preoccupied to say anything, hands pressed in terror to her cheeks as she peeked out from between her fingers. Pyper, strangely enough, had managed to procure a driver's license and within two short weeks had proved that she was an even bigger menace to the roads than to Chris Jericho, if that was remotely possible. That morning, after learning she would have to get into a car with Pyper behind the wheel, O-Gee had clung to the doorframe of Azrael's pad and shrieked that she would rather push pins underneath her fingernails and bleed to death. It had taken Pyper ten minutes to pry her away and throw her into the car. 

"Five!" Pyper continued her rant, flooring the gas pedal the minute the light turned green, narrowly missing an elderly woman who was just hobbling up to the relative safety of the curb. "I employ the worst nuts on my list to hound and stalk these chicks and they only scare off FIVE? Honestly!"

"Maybe the women really want to be divas that much," O-Gee suggested tentatively, still not taking her hands off from her face.

"Sure, but I figured that more than some of them would be spineless enough to bolt," Pyper sighed as she sped past a convertible whose driver flashed her the finger. "Good thing we have a Plan B. Not to mention a Plan C, D, E…" she grinned.

"So where are we going again?" O-Gee had been too terrified to remember if Pyper had told her.

"I told you!" Pyper said impatiently, taking her eyes off the road for a moment to fiddle with the radio controls and turn the volume down. "We're going to pose as chamber maids at the hotel those bimbos are staying at. We'll leave those chicks a couple of nasty surprises. Follow that up with what Ivory has in store for them tomorrow and they'll be easy picking."

"But I'm ten!" O-Gee argued, tentatively lowering her hands and then bringing them back up when Pyper careened around a left turn. "I won't be able to pass as a chamber maid!"

"Sure you will! We'll slap some shades on you and claim something's wrong with your eyes, plus a hat and say that you're having a bad hair day. Scurry along quietly and quickly and you'll pass for a really short camber maid."

"I have a better idea," O-Gee said, grabbing Pyper's mobile. "Can we just call Juice? She'd probably do it if you tell her what it's for."

"You know, that's just crazy enough to work," Pyper mused. She grabbed the phone and remained steering with her left hand, risking the clash of collision two fold. "Let's see, Juice, Juice…" she began to browse through the numbers.

"Pyper, pull up to a curb first! Pull up to a curb!" O-Gee pleaded in a shriek.

»»»

TheWrestlingStoolPigeon-com

Women's Division Boosted by Two

It's been obvious to every fan save a rube who must have crawled out from under a rock two hours ago that the women's division has seemingly reached the end of a steep decline. With Trish Stratus on the injured list, Lita preoccupied with proclaiming herself the Slut of the Century and Victoria stuck in a dead end feud with Christy Hemme, the Women's Championship may find itself joining the European title and the Hardcore title in discarded belts heaven.

The tide may change soon enough, though. Just a couple of hours ago it was reported at Alexis Laree and Angel Williams, two women long recruited to the OVW register, had been unexpectedly moved up to the main roster. Laree and Williams, both well trained and talented in the ring, are expected to debut on RAW next week.

Considering the ongoing Diva Search, this move comes as a surprise. The fact that Stephanie McMahon, who is believed to have advocated the Diva Search, ordered them to be brought up personally is also a bit of a shock. This sudden change will hopefully bring a breath of fresh air to the crumbling women's division.

Other Recent Articles:  
Just In – Ivory added as a third judge in Diva Search ongoing rounds.  
Kurt Angle attempts to patent 'You Suck' phrase in order to sue anyone who uses it; is denied.  
Rock offered another movie role as a transvestite cabaret singer who falls in love with a kind-hearted prostitute.  
Petition circulating the Internet to get Paul London to change his boots.  
Heidenreich hopes to one day win the Nobel Peace Prize for literature through his poem writing and gain, 'Lots of friends!'  
The Dudley Boyz in trouble for 3-D'ing a woman dressed as a geisha in a Japanese teahouse, reason is 'She gave us warm beer!'  
CM Punk – 'I am not WWE's next Jeff Hardy!'

»»»

Eric Bischoff was just relaxing with a cup of coffee in his office when the phone rang. Irritated, he nonetheless pressed the button for the speakerphone. "Yes, Bischoff here. What is it?"

"Eric, it's Coach," Jonathan Coachman's voice came through.

"Ah, Coach," Eric said with a grin, resuming his coffee, feet up on the desk. "Enjoying yourself at the Diva Search, I presume?"

"That's just it, Eric," Coach's voice sounded erratic. "You know that Ivory was instated as a third judge, right?"

"Vaguely. So? I didn't think that would bring about any problems," Bischoff grabbed a folder off his desk and began to idly shift through the lineup and bookings for the next show.

"I didn't either, until the round started," Coach said. "She started hitting these girls with questions about their wrestling prowess, drilling it in, demanding why they would join a WWE Diva Search if they had no experience in the ring, that sort of thing."

Bischoff frowned. "She does know that in-ring skills are optional, right?"

"Yeah, Christy reminded her, but I doubt she needed reminding. She was needling these girls on purpose. For God's sake, Eric, she made three of them cry! Add that to the fact that there's been a sudden extra round called for tomorrow, and I've heard it's going to involve a ring and Ivory at the helm. That's not going to be pleasant."

"Wait, an extra round?" Bischoff started. He shuffled through his papers some more and spotted a cleanly typed sheet, detailing the Diva Search variations in bullet points. The sheet right behind it highlighted the arrival of Alexis and Angel, as well as a segment involving them crashing the Diva Search while in the arena.

"What the fuck, I was never informed of these… who approved these anyway…?" Bischoff checked the signature and promptly spilt coffee on his shirt. On the line was the unmistakable John Hancock of Stephanie McMahon.

"Hey Eric, you still there?" Coach suddenly asked.

"It's Stephanie," he said in disbelief. "She's the one who's been sanctioning all these changes."

"I thought she was still vacationing in Paris."

"That was two months ago; last I heard she was in Jamaica," Bischoff said, frowning and setting his cup down. "I don't like this; even if Stephanie's around she never screws with the format that's already been lined up."

"So what do we do?"

"You stay on Ivory; make sure to control or minimize any damage she attempts to do," Bischoff ordered. "I'm going to find the writers and the bookers and see if I can't sort out this whole mess." Undermine my authority, will she? I don't think so!

"I'm on it, boss," Coach affirmed and then put down the phone.

Bischoff pressed the button to turn off the speakerphone and noticed the stain on his shirt. Grumbling, he dabbed at it with a napkin and thought frantically. Like he said, Stephanie never acted on anything. Somebody had to have pushed her into it. Now cursing, he got up and went into his private bathroom to hose the spot down.

Something fishy was going on here, and he was determined to find out what it was. Right after he got rid of this stupid stain.


	3. It All Goes Smoothly

  
That little segment this past RAW involving the wannabe divas lined up to use the mirror reminded me of one thing; no matter how numerous they are, none of them will ever be able to surpass WWE's biggest primadonna, Chris Jericho. I also realized something else; whatever I cook up in this story, it will pale in comparison to the embarrassment that was the Bikini Boot Camp. I think WWE may just beat me in sabotaging its own contest.

Oh, and MintyFresh has raised an interesting point. This is a self-insert, definitely, I don't deny that, but am I really a Sue? I didn't include a super-enhanced, ideal version of me, but just me under this pen name. In this story I am not after a stud, I'm not looking to work in WWE or dominate anything (just to help rectify something), and the story is not centered around me but focuses on the diva veterans. Sue-worthy? I don't know. Maybe I'll snag Rene Dupree and win the Women's title along the way and see how it goes. Kidding, I'm kidding.

As for excessive swearing, I've used the word 'fuck' a total of three times, four if you include the one I just typed. Factor in some ten thousand other words and I'd say they become near irrelevant, don't you think? Besides, I walk down the street during school dismissal time around here and I hear various four-letter words about three dozen times before I round the corner. As far as I am concerned, my story is still pretty tame to warrant an M rating.

With that said, here is the next chapter.

Date Uploaded: 08 July 2005

**Part 3 - It All Goes Smoothly**

Before Eric Bischoff could move much within the next two days, however, the girls were way ahead of him, and so a few things happened in succession.

»»»

Alexis Laree and Angel Williams debuted off-screen during a house show. Seeing as the women's roster was pretty scant, they wrestled each other. Laree scraped through with the win, in deference to the fact that she had seniority. 

The match itself was simply protocol and the crowd reaction was average, until Jonathan Coachman surprisingly came out, declaring that the bout had not been sanctioned. "Whatever modifications you and whatever help you two have gotten higher up to get out here, it did NOT include the match that you two just had!" he declared, climbing into the ring.

As both Alexis and Angel gave him confused and nasty looks, he continued. "Not only that, but Chris Masters is livid that you stole the timeslot that was allotted for him! Eric Bischoff may not be around, but ladies, we are talking a huge fine and maybe even suspension here."

The audience booed. Alexis adopted a baffled look. She asked for a microphone and it was given to her. "Coach, I don't understand," she said, looking to reason with him. "True the program changes were made just a few moments before the show started. But I know we handed in the necessary papers. Are you sure you didn't make a mistake?"

"A mistake?" Coach mocked. "No I did NOT make a mistake! I've been through tonight's card inside and out; you two are not on it!"

"Well then check it again," Alexis said icily, standing toe to toe with him. Behind her Angel nodded her agreement.

"Are you hard of hearing?" Coach mocked, glaring down at her. "Do you not realize that you're in a truckload of trouble? I know you two are new at all this, but just because you're under some special favor and are getting this probably undeserved boost doesn't mean that you can disregard rules…"

Coach could barely be heard over the jeers and disapproval of the crowd by then. Alexis and Angel had the people firmly behind them. The two women gave Coach absolutely poisonous looks at the slight on their talent, and only too late did he realize that what he had said was very wrong.

Quick as a flash Alexis had drew back her hand and smacked him across the face with the microphone. Angel followed up with a spear and Coach was on the mat with the two women stomping on him. As the crowd cheered them on, the two ladies picked Coach up and delivered a double suplex.

As Coach had writhed in pain on the apron, Angel patted her side and withdrew a piece of paper from her pocket. She blinked in mock bewilderment and took the stick from the mat. "Hey, what do you know, here's the program variation. I guess I must have forgotten about it."

Alexis shrugged. "Whoops."

The two girls looked down at Coach, who was groaning and clutching his head. And then they laughed, Angel dropping the slip of paper over this prone form. And then the two of them left, the crowd rooting for them all the way.

»»»

Meanwhile, Pyper and her new accomplice Juice had been planting stink bombs in one of a wannabe diva's travel bag. The two of them had successfully 'borrowed' uniforms from two of the hotel chambermaids (both of whom were probably in a lot of trouble right now) and gotten the room numbers of the Diva Search contestants. The latter part was done by getting O-Gee to feign being lost and drawing the receptionist away from the desk momentarily.

"What the hell did you put in these anyway?" Juice asked Pyper as she handled one of the items with gloves and the utmost care.

"A special blend," Pyper said, looking pleased with herself. "Rotten durian, which is bad enough in itself without being decayed, milk left out in the sun for a week, moldy bread and traces of Matt Morgan's sweat socks. That last ingredient had to be used in small doses due to its surprising strength."

"Eww…" Juice groaned, setting the stink bomb carefully between the cushions on one of the armchairs.

"That's nothing compared to what I sent Edge and Lita after that whole fiasco involving them and Matt," Pyper grinned as she pulled off her gloves. "Let's just say I was inspired by the whole 'Edge is feces' thing and leave it at that."

Juice wrinkled her nose in disgust and straightened up. The two of them had been busy all day placing the aforementioned stink bombs and tiny radios in discreet places in the remaining diva wannabes' rooms. No actual cleaning was done, of course, although they had to fake that whenever other hotel staff happened to pass by. O-Gee was outside as of the moment, playing lookout.

"Well that's it," Juice said. "You owe me big time for this, Pyper. This is even more risqué than that time you plotted to get Xzibit to 'pimp' JBL's ride."

Pyper grinned fondly at the memory. "That was a lot of fun, wasn't it?"

Juice thought about it. "Come to think of it, yeah it was pretty cool."

At that point O-Gee stuck her head inside. "Hey, are you guys done? I think some of the people are getting suspicious. Maybe the warning on our cart is tipping them off." The notice she was referring to said, 'WARNING: Biohazard Material. Inhale at your own risk.'

"Aw, crap," Pyper said. "Well, we're finished anyway. The girls should unwittingly set off the bombs at different intervals. And I've set the radios to turn on at inopportune times of the night in order to mess with their sleeping patterns. They'll be an absolute mess for Ivory tomorrow morning."

"Great, let's get out of here and in these uniforms. The chick I got mine from is a little smaller down the front and it's killing me…" Juice complained.

"Show-off," Pyper grumbled good-naturedly at her as they exited, Pyper grabbing her materials and a bunch of the hotel shampoo and bubble bath bottles as they ran off.

»»»

"Trish, you do realize that it would be in your best interests to simply agree to our plan, right?" Azrael asked in a bored voice from her place in an armchair.

"Screw you, you infernal bitch," Trish hissed back, struggling painfully underneath Victoria.

The moment Azrael had arrived from Jamaica, she and Stephanie went their separate ways. While the billion-dollar heiress headed off to heckle the creative department with her abrupt return, Azrael met up with Victoria at the home of one rehabilitating Trish Stratus. After initial negotiations had gone awry, the tussle that followed saw Victoria knocking Trish onto the floor and sitting on her, pinning her down.

Now Azrael sighed. She knew this would be difficult. "Trish, I know the two of us have never seen eye to eye…"

"In a matter of speaking," Trish snapped, now giving up her struggles and opting instead to spit venom. "You've mocked me countless times, ridiculing my hair, my makeup, telling me not to insult viewers by pretending my breasts are real, actually told your worst enemy, Chris Jericho, that he could do better than me, even with his low standards, AND spread rumors about me having been born a man. Did I leave anything out?" she asked sarcastically.

"You forgot about that time Molly and I circulated pictures of you drunk and covered in nothing but Jeff Hardy's body paints."

Trish's eyes widened. "That was you? I'm going to KILL YOU!" she shrieked, once again trying to get to her feet.

Victoria held her firmly down. "Scream one more time, Trish, and I'll sit on your head! Now, considering I have you in a very vulnerable position, you might as well calm down and think about what we're saying here."

"Oh right, you mean willingly give up my Women's title?" Trish scoffed. "I've thought about it, and the answer is HELL NO!"

"Trish, come on," Azrael said, crossing her legs. "You're injured. You've been out for nearly two months now, and no doubt you'll be recuperating for a few months more. Why leave the Women's title hanging in limbo like that?"

"Nobody has beaten me for this damned title," Trish said adamantly. "For all I know this whole plot you've woven is just an elaborate lie to get it away from me and hand it to Victoria here!"

"Close, but not quite," Victoria said. She gestured to Azrael to show Trish a piece of paper. Azrael complied and held it out in front of the blonde's face. "See that, Trish? That was an official statement from the creative department to strip you of the title themselves and hand it to Christy Hemme, the last person who challenged you for it. And it would have happened, had Azrael, Stephanie and I not stepped in and had it scrapped."

Trish scanned the document incredulously, pulling one hand out from under Victoria to clutch it. "That's insane; I don't believe it."

"Believe it, chick," Azrael said, settling back into the armchair. "And if you don't stop being so difficult, they'll resume pushing for this happen. Now you have only two choices; give the title to us and Victoria will face Alexis and Angel in a triple threat match for it next RAW, or hand it to the idiots who drew up this document and watch Christy Hemme strut around with it."

"So what'll it be?" Victoria asked fiercely.

Trish had become numb, and not just because Victoria still had her pinned down. Giving a growl and saying, "Get off me," she slowly pushed herself up to her knees as Victoria let up. There was a silence as Trish glared at the two other women. And then she cautiously held out the Women's Championship, which she had been clutching to her chest all this time.

"But the moment I get back, I want a title shot," Trish said sternly. "One on one, no questions."

"You got it," Azrael said. "But hang on to it a little longer, there's something else we want you to do."

"And what's that?" Trish demanded.

Azrael and Victoria grinned.

»»»

"I did not get a wink of sleep," complained Cameron. "After I had gotten hotel management to clean up the stench in my room, every time I put my head on the pillow this shrieking bird call would come out of nowhere!"

"Same here," Elisabeth said, punctuating it with a loud yawn. "Only mine was this blaring car horn. I tried changing rooms but the hotel said that they were fully booked."

It was bright and early the next morning, and the final eight chosen to remain in the Diva Search had turned up for the sudden extra round Ivory had called. All of them were bleary-eyed and yawning after every few minutes. Coffee and concealer had tried to do its best, but it wasn't doing much in the way of keeping them awake or hiding those bags.

They were in a small gym, with a ring placed in the middle. All around crewmembers were making the last few adjustments to their equipment. Coach and Christy were nowhere to be seen, and considering how tough Ivory was the day before, this worried the girls.

The door opened and Ivory walked in, followed closely by two other women. A few of the contestants visibly started, recognizing them to be former WWE divas Gail Kim and Jacqueline. "What's going on?" Ashley wondered out loud.

"Ladies, good morning. Nice to see that everyone's punctual," Ivory greeted. She was met with half-hearted mumbles and another yawn or two. Ivory hid a small grin. Pyper had been thorough. "Today, as you can probably tell, we're going to have a crash course in wrestling moves, just to see who can easily get the feel of things. Call it Wrestling 101, if you will."

Some of the girls perked up at that, others looked wary, some paled considerably and still others continued to blink sleepily.

"I believe you're all well-acquainted with the women with me today," Ivory continued. "This is Jacqueline and Gail Kim; I called in a favor and the two of them will help out during this round."

"Hello," Gail greeted pleasantly enough, while Jacqueline merely smirked in their direction.

Calling in the two of them had been met with a lot of apprehension within the women already in the plan. "But everybody knows that they've been released," Angel had said. "Having them suddenly show up for a temporary gig is not only going to fuel rumors, it'll arouse suspicion and before we know it somebody exposes it all and everything blows up in our face."

"Paranoid much?" Azrael said. And then she sighed. "You have a very good point, though."

"Well I don't see how I can get this done on my own," Ivory said adamantly. "Victoria will be at the arena in the next state, Trish hasn't been cleared by her doctor and Lita has been raising a lot of eyebrows lately. And no, Torrie and Stacy are nowhere on my substitute list."

Annoyed, Victoria had then turned to the member of their group who wielded the most power. "Well, Stephanie? It's your call."

Stephanie idly stirred her coffee as she gave it serious thought. And then she nodded. "What the heck, we've come this far, let's go for it."

And thus Gail and Jacqueline were here. The cameras had started rolling and all the women were in the ring, finishing their warm-ups. Once they were done Ivory spoke again, "All right, one of the most basic things a wrestler has to learn is how to take a fall. Gail, Jackie? Would you help demonstrate?"

"Sure," Gail said. She turned to Jacqueline. "I suplex you, right?"

"Hey, you lost the coin toss," Jackie joked back.

Gail gave a mock sigh. "All right."

And to the horrified eyes of the eight contestants, Jackie then proceeded to hook Gail's arm around her neck and deliver a swift snap suplex, the impact of which made the ring bounce under the wannabe divas' feet. A few of them took a step back.

"Oh, my back, the pain…" Gail moaned from the floor as Jackie stood up. Jacqueline rolled her eyes while Ivory laughed. "I'm kidding," Gail said, grinning and springing back to her feet. Some of the contestants offered weak laughs.

"So," Ivory said, turning back to the eight ladies, "who wants to go first?"

All of them looked hesitantly at each other.

»»»

Monday Night RAW. Victoria grinned as Trish Stratus' music hit and the buxom, blonde diva strode out to a huge cheer from the surprised crowd. This was it.

"Please welcome, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada; she is the Women's Champion, Trish Stratus!" Lillian introduced in the ring a broad smile on her own face. She had been informed of the intervention and was delighted about it.

Trish walked stiffly down to the ring, although relieved that her slight tussle with Victoria had not hurt her back any further. She entered with one of the officials holding the ropes open for her, and then took the microphone Lillian handed to her. She then faced the crowd with a smile on her face.

"As you all know when I was unfortunately called out due to injuries, I happened to bring the Women's title along with me," Trish began.

"You know, I hardly noticed," King mused, getting over his delight at ogling Trish in the ring once more.

"You and the rest of the population more preoccupied with the Diva Search," JR commented.

Back in the ring, Trish continued. "Well it's been brought to my attention that the title can't remain dormant for as long as I'm out. And so, it is my decision to relinquish the Women's Championship and have it up for grabs in a diva Battle Royal to all the eligible women in the back."

Trish was of course lying through her teeth, initially having no intention of giving up the title in the first place. But then the audience didn't need to know that. She moved to talk again but then Victoria's music hit.

The raven-haired woman stalked out, revved up and completely in her persona. She slid into the ring, glared at Trish, and then asked for a microphone of her own. "It's about time, Trish," she spat out. "I've been hanging around uselessly and getting into two-bit feuds since you went and took the title with you."

Trish crossed her arms with mock irritation, playing her part perfectly.

"But what's this about a diva Battle Royal?" Victoria scorned. "Who's left for me to take on? Lita? Please, she's too busy running scared stiff from Kane. Christy? She isn't in my league. There's no one left. I'd say you should just give me that title right here and now; I'm the only one who deserves it!"

And right on cue music once again played. Trish and Victoria turned to the stage to see Alexis Laree and Angel Williams come out, both eager for their first segment on WWE programming. The crowd cheered for them, which was definitely a good sign, and they also made their way down and climbed into the ring.

"Hang on just a minute there, Victoria," Alexis said, having gotten a stick of her own. "You seem to have forgotten that, although you think you're on top of the women's division now, the two of us didn't come along just to play valet."

Victoria looked at them and then snorted derisively. "And what makes you think you two greenhorns have any right to challenge for the Women's title?"

"We more than qualify, and you know it," Alexis said defiantly.

Angel took the mic from her. "Why, Victoria? Afraid of a little competition? Scared that somehow these two 'greenhorns' will show you up?"

Victoria rolled her eyes and gave then a cocky smile. "It'll be a cold day in hell before that happens. Well, I haven't had any challenge in the last few months or so; you two will do just fine. I'll see you at the Battle Royal."

Trish frowned. They were wrapping up this segment too quickly. She saw that Angel looked agitated too. Where was that bimbo?

And to their relief their prey took the bait. The up tempo music that was Christy Hemme's theme sounded, and the last year Diva Search winner bounced out to a considerably louder welcome. Victoria's face twisted into a sneer and Alexis gave her a sharp look.

As Christy moved towards the ring she lost her smile and attempted a look of all business. Already with a microphone in hand, she began talking. "I'm sorry, but I believe that Trish said the Battle Royal is open to 'all the eligible women in the back.' With that being said, I can't believe you have the nerve to start treating this like a triple threat match."

"Why, Christy? I don't see any other suitable women in this ring other than Trish and she's injured," Victoria pointed out scathingly.

Christy seemed surprised at that, but she caught herself and scowled. "You seem to have forgotten, Victoria, that I was the last contender for the Women's title, and thus I immediately qualify. Plus I've had more than a few matches and I've managed to come out on top in most of them."

"Only because Molly was forced to job to you," Alexis muttered under her breath.

Victoria looked like she would say something rude but Trish stopped her and spoke instead. "You know, she does have a point," she said, making Christy smile. "She is on the women's roster and she meets all the criteria to vie for the Women's title."

Victoria rolled her eyes as Angel jeered at this.

"So it's settled, then," Trish said, announcing it to the crowd. "Next week it will be Christy versus Angel versus Alexis versus Victoria!"

The latter three women turned to give Christy ominous smiles at that point. Christy blinked, suddenly getting that same feeling when Ivory had sat down with her and Coach at the panel; this was NOT good. Trish said something more but was surprisingly cut off when 'Lovefurypassionenergy' blared from the speakers.

"Oh shit," Victoria growled off mic.

Lita walked out on the stage, a displeased leer on her face, coming down the ramp to face them. She talked as she moved along. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait… you girls weren't seriously thinking of leaving me out of the running, were you?" she climbed into the ring. "I am a two-time Women's Champion; I get precedence over this hyperactive cheerleader," she gestured to Christy, who scowled again, "and these newbie punks who are green around the sides!" she indicated Alexis and Angel, who looked annoyed.

"Lita," Angel said smoothly. "Frankly I'm surprised you're interested, considering you have other problems of your own to sort out. Specifically a near seven-foot, monster of a problem."

"Yeah, go run back and make out with Edge," Victoria said, mostly unthinkingly. "We don't need you here."

Trish nudged her in the ribs the slightest bit as Lita bristled. The crowd loved that, though, and let out another roar.

"We seem to be multiplying," Trish joked, as Alexis tried to keep herself between Victoria and Lita. "Anybody else in the back who thinks they should be in the battle royal? Any takers? No?" When nobody else thankfully strolled out, she turned back to everyone else. "So it's final! Next RAW there will be a five-way battle royal with Christy, Angel, Alexis, Victoria and Lita, for this!" she held up the belt she hadn't wanted to part with. "There will be a new Women's Champion!"

Angel and Alexis shot death stares at an equally seething Christy, as Lita and Victoria glared daggers at each other. It was going to be a brutal match.

»»»

Azzie's Blog – Plotting World Domination since 2002

So Influential; Little Ol' Me?

Greetings to all four of my readers.

There have been rumors flying around that I am somehow involved with the sudden boost in the women's division in WWE. True I have ranted about the matter like a madwoman on crack, but allow me to set the record straight. I have not been mixed up with the sudden jump of Alexis Laree and Angel Williams to the main RAW roster. I know nothing about Ivory's surprise addition to the Diva Search panel. And I most definitely have nothing to do with Stephanie McMahon's sudden reemergence. 

But I am just as pleasantly surprised as you are with these turn of events. And 'w00t!' at the possibility of a new Women's Champ by next week too.

So until then, I remain indifferently yours.

Azrael

Previous Entries:  
The Diva Search Contestants are all whores. That being said, what's on the other channel?  
I thought I came close to a infallible plan for world domination, and then I realized it was just how to solve world hunger. Well, back to the old drawing board.  
WWE cuts more wrestlers from its overcrowded rosters. Bye guys, see you at TNA.

»»»

And in Eric Bischoff's office the GM of RAW sat in his chair and looked pleased with himself. In front of him, on the screen of his computer, was Azrael's little blog. He had been trying all day to run around and keep this apparent women uprising contained, but it had pushed through anyway.

But now he was presented with what he considered was a foolproof plan to topple the insurrection in one fell swoop. Still smiling sinisterly, he reached for his phone. Next RAW was going to be very interesting indeed.


	4. Stirring Things Up

  
Once again this is looking much longer than I initially expected it to be. I'm trying to hurry it along, while inspiration is still sticking around. I'm hoping to end this in about two more chapters after this. 

Oh, and with the draft and massive lay-offs the rosters I'm using for the shows are shot. The timeline of this story takes place before the final 'blockbuster' (was that what they called it?) draft that shifted eleven superstars (most of whom were fired as well) around away from the cameras. For the sake of minimizing confusion, though, I've decided to stick with the final changes. So Rene is back on RAW and Regal is bafflingly on Smackdown!

And Myth, you asked why Pyper, O-Gee and Juice have such weird names? Well, Pyper is the penname of my sister, and O-Gee and Juice (no relation to Juvi Guerrera) are actual nicknames for my youngest sister and cousin respectively. I guess weirdness just runs in the family.

But enough rambling. Here is the chapter.

Date Uploaded: 11 July 2005

**Part 04 - Stirring Things Up**

"Lita was so not part of the plan," Angel said grumpily, crossing her arms and dropping into an armchair. "And Candace didn't even take the bait! All right, so the that one was an unsure bet in the first place…"

"I honestly thought she wouldn't be interested," Victoria said, mashing a stress ball between her hands. "What with her disgusting displays of affection with that grinning gecko, Edge, I didn't think her head would be on the title hunt."

The two of them along with Alexis, Trish, Ivory and Stephanie were in the latter's hotel room, having discreetly entered at different intervals to hold this meeting. Now Stephanie lounged in the other armchair as Alexis took the last of the drinks from the table.

"You're kidding me, right?" Trish said from her place on the sofa. "Lita may be preoccupied with two absolutely psychotic men right now, but like most of the women in the promotion, she realizes that the Women's Championship is the lifeblood of the female roster. Of course she'd want it."

Victoria blistered at that, not appreciating being told off. "I figured she'd want to ease up on that knee too. So I was a bit off, okay?"

"Well, nothing we can do about that now," Stephanie said calmly. "We all consciously decided to keep Lita out of the loop, but she's found her way in, albeit obliviously. It should be easy to deal with her in the long run anyway. Leave it to me."

"All right," Alexis said, settling into the sofa beside Trish. "At least Christy's fallen for it, and hopefully she doesn't figure out this is a setup before next RAW."

"There's little chance of that," Trish said, smirking. She turned to Ivory. "So, Ivory, what happened during your little round with the Diva Search contestants?"

Ivory grinned, perching on the bed. "Well it wasn't pretty, I can tell you that," she said. "Jackie suplexed one of the more delicate ones, Simona, I think, and that wiped the girl out. Completely. She just kind of lay in the ring and begged to be excluded from the rest of the segment."

Alexis and Trish roared with laughter at that, but Victoria was mildly disgusted. "And WWE expects girls like that to secure spots on the roster? Jesus Christ."

"We had wardrobe problems with the girl named Summer," Ivory said, continuing and rolling her eyes at the memory. "Not that she was wearing much in the first place, but the absurd bikini bottom she had tore the moment Gail gripped it and pulled. I had to scream for the cameras to be turned off and a robe."

Even Stephanie was chuckling along with Angel, Alexis and Trish by now. Victoria still didn't look amused.

"Some of the girls did manage to suck it up and go through all the rounds we put them through," Ivory went on. "One, Elisabeth or Ashley, I can't quite tell, even went to the point where she tried to adapt a stoic look every time she took a fall. That stopped when Gail reminded her that in an actual match, she would have to sell those moves."

"And so did she start doing it?" Angel asked.

"She didn't need to. Jackie nailed her with a powerslam that apparently hurt a lot, judging from the way she rolled around for a while in acute pain."

"Well at least the ache will give them some food for thought," Victoria said, looking satisfied.

"I'm not saying that some of them won't improve with adequate training," Ivory said fairly. "Most girls do, with the possible exception of Stacy Keibler. But I highly doubt the idea is to put them in OVW after they win and keep them there for a year or so."

"No, the moment one of these bimbos win it's lingerie pillow fights on RAW," Alexis said sorely.

"Don't look so pessimistic," Stephanie said. "If this plan of ours works just fine, none of us will have to stomach another degrading match ever again."

At that moment her mobile phone rang. She picked it up. "Stephanie McMahon."

"Steph, I have bad news," Azrael's voice immediately said, sounding extremely agitated from the other end. "Guess who's going to be the special guest on Carlito's Cabana next RAW?"

"Who?"

"Me."

»»»

Eric's brainwave had gone something like this. The next morning, after processing in the necessary changes to the next show's card, he called in the two stars that both bafflingly held interview segments on RAW, Carlito Caribbean Cool and Chris Jericho.

"Gentlemen, I need one of you to question a special guest on your program next show," Eric began, lacing his fingers together on the desk.

"Couldn't you have told us over the phone, Bischoff?" Jericho snapped, a half-eaten croissant in hand. "I had a lot planned for this morning, like getting highlights and a manicure."

"Yeah, and Carlito was looking forward to—wait a minute, highlights and a manicure?" Carlito said, looking at Jericho with a mix of incredulity and amusement.

"You have a problem with that, junior?" Jericho snarled back.

Eric Bischoff shook his head. "Listen, this is important. This person will be completely unexpected and hopefully make some sense out of all the changes we've been having to the women's card lately."

"There were changes in the women's card?" Carlito asked flatly while Jericho checked his reflection on one of Eric's shiny paperweights.

Bischoff frowned impatiently. Trust these two not to notice. "Yes. And not that you two would care, but it's been a pain in the ass for me."

"Well then stop blabbing on and on and get to the point," Jericho snapped. "Who is this person you're talking about anyway?"

"She's not with the company, but I believe you two may have encountered or heard of her. Her name is Azrael," Bischoff said.

At that Jericho promptly choked on the last bite of his croissant. He gave a strangled noise and bent over, as if he would retch onto the floor. Coughing, he slowly started to turn an alarming shade of beet red.

"Wholly shit, call paramedics, do something!" Bischoff yelled, getting up. "We can't have a man down for the next taping!"

Carlito, startled at Jericho's reaction, leapt to his feet but, like Bischoff, seemed uncertain at what to do. It was only when Jericho clutched at his shirt collar and pulled that Carlito wrapped his arms around the older man's midsection and effectively performed the Heimlich maneuver. With three thrusts the soggy pastry shot out of Jericho's mouth and smacked against the wall.

With the crisis over, Bischoff plopped back into his seat with a relieved sigh. Jericho gave one least dry heave and collapsed into his. Carlito sat back down quietly himself, muttering something along the lines of, "That wasn't cool…"

"Azrael?" Jericho gasped out. He was about to fly into a tirade about that unholy, conniving, self-absorbed bitch when he stopped and looked to Carlito on his right. And then he got an idea.

"Listen, if you're thinking of throwing up on Carlito, you better think again," Carlito said, catching his glance.

Jericho shook his head, adopting a grateful stance. "No, no, man, you saved my life. Thank you."

Bischoff and Carlito blinked. This was a surprise.

"No, I mean it, Carlito," Jericho said, straightening up. "And I know it's a small token, but I'm not going to squabble with you over who gets to interview this special guest of Eric Bischoff. You take Azrael; have her on the Cabana."

Carlito looked stunned. That was way too easy. Then again, he had dislodged a croissant from Jericho's windpipe.

"That settles it then," Bischoff said wearily, too tired to argue. "Azrael will be at Carlito's Cabana next RAW."

Jericho managed not to show his immense relief.

»»»

"This is INSANE," Azrael was saying back at the present. "With all those stupid rumors that somehow found their way around the Internet, I've been linked to what's going on. And I'm sure Bischoff wants to expose it all by having me on the fucking Cabana!"

"All right, Azrael, calm down," Stephanie said.

"What's going on?" Victoria asked.

Stephanie relayed it to them as quickly as she could, even as Azrael griped about how much this phone call was costing her. "It's a cunning move on Eric's part," Stephanie had to admit. "But I'm going to see how he was given the go ahead to do this without my approval."

"Yeah, we can't let this happen," Alexis said. "With the way Azrael shoots her mouth off when she's riled up, the plan will get uncovered for sure."

"I CAN hear you, you know!" Azrael's tinny voice snapped from Stephanie's mobile.

"Well she does have a point," Trish couldn't help but say.

"You know, this may not be such a bad thing," Stephanie suddenly said.

"And how is that?" Victoria asked skeptically.

"Right now, Christy is still considered a face," Stephanie began slowly, thinking things through. "The Diva Search contestants are being treated as babyfaces too, like they're a good thing. Most of the people are still backing Christy, if not the diva wannabes, up. Now we need to have the audience on our side. Alexis and Angel as faces, or neutrals in the least, is helping, but other than that interest in this entire thing is sorely lacking."

"Keep going," Ivory said cautiously.

"Well it would do well to have a spokesperson," Stephanie said. "I could do it, but I'm busy enough as it is behind the scenes, and WWE programming isn't exactly begging for my sudden return either. Azrael has enough charisma, and as a fan speaking to the fans, she could strike a chord."

"You forget, this is Azrael," Angel reminded. "She's rather antagonistic and therefore whatever reactions she gets will be unpredictable."

"Once again, I CAN hear you!" Azrael shouted.

"Yeah, but she'll have Carlito opposite her," Stephanie said, smiling. "And Carlito is generating a lot of heat lately. Azrael can't possibly come off as a bad guy in an altercation with him. Thankfully we didn't get Jericho; that would have been a disaster."

"Tell me about it," Trish muttered.

"This could still blow up in our face," Victoria warned. "But if it works we'll have the push we need." She turned to the phone, as if seeing Azrael there. "Azrael, do the show. Lie, manipulate, sweet-talk, I don't care what you do; just make sure we come out smelling like roses afterwards. And for God's sake, don't piss the audience off. "

"Easy for you to say," Azrael muttered. "All right, all right. Now hang up before I end up paying an arm and a leg for this phone call."

Stephanie ended the call. The women looked tensely at each other. What with the debut of the Diva Search contestants on air, Azrael's sudden appearance on Carlito's Cabana, and the battle royal for the Women's Championship, things were going to be crucial for next RAW.

»»»

"Pyper, pack your bags, and tell O-Gee and Juice we're going for a short trip," Azrael rumbled as she dropped her mobile phone into her pocket.

Pyper looked up from where she was on the couch, absentmindedly flicking channels over and over again. "Don't tell me we have something to do for the sabotage again," she whined. "I thought our part was done. I already repacked all my materials in the lab and locked them up. Now I wanted to concentrate on finding Jericho's new postal address; he changed it again on me."

"Quit griping and get a move on," Azrael snapped. "We're getting front seats to the next RAW show. You can do whatever sordid research you want there."

"Really? Sweet!" Pyper shot to her feet and fled from the room, no doubt to hurriedly toss stuff into five suitcases for a four-night stay.

Azrael sighed. She did not like this idea. After a moment of debating whether to get out of it, she shook her head in resignation and then went to pack as well.

»»»

Prior to the much-awaited RAW show a few notable things happened.

To keep from anyone getting suspicious, Stephanie pretended to butt heads with Eric Bischoff regarding Azrael's appearance on Carlito's Cabana. Ultimately the Billion Dollar Princess conceded that there was nothing she could do, much to Bischoff's smug pleasure. If he had not been so pleased with himself over his supposed victory, he would have noticed that Stephanie had at least a dozen little loopholes that she could have used.

Christy Hemme actually came up to Ivory and asked for some coaching prior to her big match. Ivory was left literally speechless in utter astonishment, but after a beat was able to offer a lame excuse and point her to Al Snow instead. She wasn't going to meddle with this one.

Jericho sent Carlito a barrel of apples, encouraging him to use it for his next show with Azrael. He also saw fit to give the IC Champ some 'helpful' suggestions, like telling him to needle her, show her who's boss. Carlito was a little surprised with Jericho's over zealousness but foolishly decided to take it in stride.

Stephanie also made sure production made a big deal about touting the five-way battle royal for next show. Victoria, Angel and Alexis mentioned it during house shows, interviews, whenever they could. Pyper and Juice hyped it on the Internet, Pyper almost getting banned from several message boards due to spamming. Interest in the match began to increase, and by Monday talk about it had risen over the main event. Everything was on the way.

»»»

RAW. The crowd buzzed like it was any other show. Backstage, at least for the women in on the plan, tensions were higher than usual.

After the first match, which pitted Shelton Benjamin against Rene Dupree, the former picking up the win, the onscreen debut of the Diva Search contestants began. Audioslave's 'Be Yourself' played as the eight women walked out, most rather stiffly from aching muscles. A chorus of boos greeted them. Even without the sabotage the Diva Search was unpopular enough.

"… The lovely Simona!" Coach introduced as the girls filed out. Simona herself rather limped out, giving weak smiles to the crowd.

In the ring, Ivory shook her head a little in exasperation. Her 'training' had been a week ago. Surely they still couldn't be sore from it.

Before the others could be presented, though, the music was suddenly yanked off. After a beat Britney Spears' 'Toxic' replaced it, the sickening rhythm reducing the crowd to even louder jeers. The contestants and Coach looked bewildered.

Backstage and away from the cameras and the eyes of the audience, Azrael walked away from the music room with a satisfied smile on her face. Desecrate Audioslave, would they? Not with her around. Now to find Rene and shave off that godawful facial hair and sideburns…

Back out in the ring Coach had recovered and finished calling the contestants up. They now stood with him and Ivory, Christy not being there due to warming up before the big five-woman battle royal. "Now ladies, you each have thirty seconds to introduce yourself to the audience," Ivory said.

"But we're going to put a little twist on things," Coach said, making Ivory turn to him with a glare. "To really grab the audience's attention, you're going to do it in your bra and panties."

The men cheered, the women booed, overall the reaction from the crowd was varied. Ivory glowered at Coach. She had been against that idea all along, but apparently hadn't been able to stop Coach from opening his big mouth. She made a mental note to make something unpleasant happen to him within the evening.

"So, let's start it," Coach said. "Ashley?"

Ashley, the blonde who wore a backwards baseball cap, moved to the front and took the microphone. The timer started. "My name is Ashley—"

That was about as far as she got before a round of popcorn hit her on the face. Before anybody could figure out what was going on, more food was lobbed in the direction of the ring; chips, crackers, some fruit and nuts and more. The source was three girls in the front, two teens and a kid, all gleefully tossing food at the contestants.

"Yeah, bulls eye!" Pyper said triumphantly, nailing Summer with a fistful of peanuts. Beside her, Juice and O-Gee chucked whatever crap they had bought outside at the food stands.

Cameron got hit with a half-open bag of chips. Kristal turned only to have yogurt fly into her hair. Leyla was splattered with soda. Even Coach was victim to a flying wiener. Ivory, who had known what was coming, moved quietly to a safe corner in the ring. It wasn't safe for long as the rest of the crowd, realizing what was going on, inevitably got into it as well. Before security could run over and stop Pyper, O-Gee and Juice, a barrage of food and drinks came soaring from all angles. Ivory quickly got out of the ring and sat with Lillian to watch the spectacle unfold. Sandwiches, beer cans, plastic soda bottles, and an assortment of candies and whatnot started to pelt the eight contestants and Coach. Utter pandemonium ruled.

By and by Coach got his wits about him and managed to hustle the women out of the ring and back up the ramp, where people got in a couple of good shots as they went. The throwing slowed and then stopped. The ring was a mess and the people were hooting, loving it.

"That's a protest if I've ever seen one," Lillian said to Ivory, who nodded with a satisfied smile.

Pyper reclined back in her seat with a pleased grin on her face. All their stash was gone. "That was so worth it," she said.

"I wanted to keep the licorice," O-Gee whined.

"We'll buy you more outside," Juice said patiently.

All three of them froze when big hands clapped on their shoulders. They turned to see three burly security guards glaring down at them. There was a slightly comical moment of silence before Juice cleared her throat and managed a small, "Yes?"

"You girls are leaving," the first one said gruffly, ordering them to their feet.

"You're kicking us out?" Pyper shrieked. "Why?"

"Why?" the same guard bellowed back at her. "That's why!" he jerked a thumb towards the ruined ring.

"Oh come on, half the food there isn't ours!" Juice protested.

"Save it, out of the arena, NOW," the second guard said as the three of them began to force the girls out to the aisle.

A few members of the audience saw what was happening and began to boo. Workers had started to file out from the back to clean up the ring; fortunately it was a taping and so, even though they had to move quickly, they weren't completely pressured.

"But we're special guests of Stephanie McMahon!" Pyper yelled loudly. A fan girl outburst was looming.

"Oh yeah, prove it," the first guard snarled.

Pyper hurriedly fished out an ID badge from her pocket and handed it to him. The guard took it and eyed it critically. Unfortunately, Stephanie had not been able to hand them VIP passes before the show and Pyper had tried to compensate by scribbling on a small piece of cardboard with a magic marker. It's no wonder the guards didn't buy it. Juice groaned and slapped a palm to her forehead.

"Very funny. Now move it," the last guard snapped, beginning to pull a frightened O-Gee away.

And Pyper lost it. She shrieked, she swore, she fired barely coherent insults from where she refused to budge and caused a huge commotion. Two more guards hurried over to shut her up and Juice saw, to her utter amazement, that the crowd was actually rooting for her.

She nudged O-Gee. "Act like Pyper!" she hissed.

"Act like Pyper…?" O-Gee echoed, bewildered. This went against all the times Azrael had threatened to stuff her head down a toilet if she ever mimicked Pyper's insane antics.

"Just trust me!" Juice said. And she proceeded to fight back as well against being dragged out, screaming and causing a ruckus. After a beat O-Gee followed.

"What are those three doing?" Lillian wondered to herself as she and Ivory stood up to see what was going on.

"Making idiots out of themselves," Ivory said. "And doing a good job of it."

Finally the guards had to haul the three of them out of their seats and out of the arena, Pyper still flailing madly, O-Gee in full tantrum mode and Juice with her fists raised triumphantly in the air, the audience cheering for them; three no-names who had more than made their point. Lillian and Ivory burst out laughing as the three of them, along with the guards who lugged them along (four to Pyper by now), disappeared outside.


	5. Leading to the Big Event

  
I'm sorry for being late with this one, I'm running out of steam and it's started to show in this chapter. I realize that I'm once again dragging this on for longer than it probably should, but I assure you that this is the second to the last chapter. And to anybody like Myth who is wondering at the history between Jericho and Azrael, well it's been a long running gag on most of my stories that the two hate each other and would do anything to disparage the other. I forgot how it started, although I know it somehow involves Pyper. But anyway, here's the chapter. 

Date Uploaded: 21 July 2005

**Part 05 - Leading to the Big Event**

"I am telling you IDIOTS that we are special guests of Stephanie McMahon, no joke!" Pyper was still insisting as she, O-Gee and Juice were deposited outside the arena doors.

"Listen, why don't the three of you just beat it before we actually call authorities," one of the guards said brusquely, glowering down at them. "As it is, we're letting you off easy. Now make yourselves scarce," he turned to go back into the building along with the rest of his co-workers.

"Wait, you're not even going to let us prove it?" Juice demanded, hands on her hips.

"Oh sure, and how exactly are you going to prove that?" he sneered. "Another ID card drawn with crayons?"

Juice ignored his sarcasm and turned to Pyper, who had already hit a number on he mobile phone and was listening to it ring. "Hello? Steph, you won't believe this, but the guards actually threw us out! They—oh, you believe it, huh?"

"It's happened to you 368 times and counting, Pyper," Juice said sardonically. "Of course she'd believe it."

Pyper motioned for her to be quiet. "Sure I told them we were with you!" she said into the phone. "I even showed them my magic marker identification card but they just LAUGHED at us! Can you believe—oh, you believe that too, huh?"

"Does this have a point?" the guard asked impatiently.

"Uh huh, hang on a sec," Pyper then held the phone to him. "She wants to talk to you," she said ominously.

With a roll of his eyes, the guard, not sure why he was humoring this head case in the first place, took the phone. "Hello?" he said sarcastically.

The unmistakable, painful soprano tones of Stephanie McMahon rang in his ear. "You threw them out? Listen here, buster, I know the owner of that phone is a few pages short of a book, but when she says she is here through me she is damn well telling the truth!"

"M-Ms. McMahon…? Y-yes, Ms. McMahon," the hapless guard stuttered, snapping to attention as his companions gave him flabbergasted looks.

O-Gee giggled. "Ooh, somebody's in trouble…"

»»»

Meanwhile, backstage Coach and the Diva Search Contestants were abruptly stopped by Maria Kanellis and a cameraman, despite the fact that all of them were covered almost head to foot in junk food. "Wait, wait, wait!"

"What is it?" Coach snapped, wiping ice cream from his sunglasses. "We're kind of in a hurry right now, Maria, if you hadn't noticed," he said scathingly.

"But you can't go anywhere yet, I have an interview scheduled with all of you guys right now!" the air-headed presenter said frantically.

"What, now?" Coach said disbelievingly as the other women fidgeted and tried to pull food away from themselves as they moaned and groaned. "I never knew about that! Who told you that?"

"One of the crewmembers handed me this memo from Stephanie McMahon about it," Maria said, holding up the small piece of paper as if it was all the evidence she needed.

"Well we all need to get cleaned up," Kristal said indignantly, the others agreeing with her.

"But there's no time!" Maria said, thrusting a microphone in Coach's face and beckoning a camera forward some more. "The message also says that right after this the girls all have to do undergo a special round to make up for the one ruined earlier."

"And what special round is that?" Coach demanded, having been wary at hearing Stephanie's name.

"Well it says here that it's a make out round," Maria said, looking bewildered herself. "All the girls have to line up and see who can French Viscera the best."

Coach, plainly seeing that this was a practical joke carried out by the most gullible person on the roster, angrily pushed past Maria. The audience, watching on the Titantron, roared with laughter as the girls followed him, Maria scratching her head in confusion.

»»»

Back at the ring the clean up had finished and the Cabana had been set up. Despite the earlier ruckus, the show definitely had to go on.

The upbeat island music that was Carlito Caribbean Cool's theme faded and the arrogant IC Champ with the unmistakable Afro spoke into a microphone. "I was going to open by saying that being in Anaheim, CA was actually cool," he began. "But after the shocking display with the Diva Search contestants and about two crates of wasted food, Carlito has changed his mind."

Some audience members rolled their eyes as all of them booed. Carlito shook his head and continued. "But speaking of the Diva Search and the women of WWE, everybody has noticed that there has been this sudden boost, what with the two new ladies to the roster and that big five-woman match later for a new Women's Champion." Technically this wasn't quite true, seeing as Carlito had been too thick to actually notice anything. "Well with all these suspicions of a female conspiracy, Carlito decided to bring in someone who, while not part of the roster, may be able to give us some information. So come out, Azrael!"

He pointed to the stage. People buzzed at the unfamiliar name, although selected few may have remembered encountering it on a few rumor sites on the 'Net. Carlito stood there dumbly for a while; still pointing to the back although nothing signified anybody coming out.

Behind him, however, a figure had been helped over the barrier, took a microphone from Lillian and then proceeded to climb up the stairs and enter the ring. Azrael came to stand behind the impatiently waiting Carlito. She cleared her throat.

Carlito frowned, and then swiveled around, startled. "Where did you come from?"

"Does it matter?" Azrael said flippantly. "I'm here now, aren't I?"

"Why didn't you come down the ramp with the music and everything?" Carlito asked, irritated.

"Because, like you said, I'm not part of the roster. Why on earth should I expect to be treated as one?" Azrael pointed out. "Now, can we hurry this along? There are talented under-carders on this roster that could use this wasted airtime."

Carlito bristled. "Are you telling me that you think Carlito's Cabana is a waste of time?"

Azrael responded with a surprisingly charming smile. "Yes," she said, generating a few laughs and cheers from the crowd.

"Wholly shit, I think that is the first time I have actually seen Azrael smile," Alexis said from the ladies locker room, where she, Angel and Trish were watching the segment on a monitor.

"She's turning on the charm, trying to get the audience behind her," Trish said. "Let's hope she manages to keep it up."

Carlito looked miffed, suddenly realizing that this wouldn't be the walk in the park he envisioned. He decided to move on with the interview. "Opinionated, aren't you? So, Azrael, for the benefit of everyone here who have no idea who you are, tell us what you do."

"Me?" Azrael blinked. "I sit and I type, basically."

"Ah, so you're a writer."

"No, more like a hack, actually."

This was getting more frustrating by the second. Carlito adjusted the belt on his shoulder and decided to get serious. "Let's get to the point. There have been many rumors floating around recently, mostly about the changes in the women's division I spoke about earlier. The thing is, Azrael, quite a few revolve around you."

Azrael remained impassive. Carlito continued. "It is said that you were pivotal in the return of Stephanie McMahon on her self-imposed 'sabbatical'. It's also been supposed that you and Victoria concocted some secret plan together to turn the women's division upside-down. Now, Azrael, tell me, is that all true?"

Azrael was quiet first as she looked at him. And then she spoke. "Carlito, like I said, I'm a hack who sits at a computer more than half the day. I'm a nobody. Nearly every single person sitting in the audience right now is wondering what in the hell I'm doing in the ring when a tag team match or something could be go on. Now tell me, where do you think I would get the influence to do everything you just stated?"

In his office, Eric Bischoff seethed. "Come on, squeeze it out of her!" he practically yelled at his monitor.

Carlito smiled. "But we have witnesses who can swear that you were seen seated beside Stephanie McMahon on her flight back from Jamaica. You have also been spotted in the company of Victoria, as well as the two new divas, Angel and Alexis."

Azrael narrowed her eyes. "Did Bischoff have me followed?" she growled to him off the mic.

Carlito simply continued to smirk at her. "Well? Do you have any excuse for that? No? Then confess; what really is your role in all of this?"

Backstage Victoria gripped her elbow pad in a tight fist as she glared at a monitor. She could see Azrael was getting annoyed.

It was quiet for a moment as Azrael's look turned dark and she looked like she would have taken Carlito's head off with a honeydew, if she had one to fling. And then in a flash it disappeared as Azrael's not often seen smile returned. "Perceptive, aren't you? Well, I'm going to admit I have ranted about the condition of WWE in the past, the women's division one of my favorite topics. Well, like you seem to have, I noticed a sudden surge and decided to find out from the various sources what was going on. Stephanie McMahon, Victoria, Alexis Laree and Angel Williams were all merely nice enough to give me some time."

Carlito looked incredulously at her. "That's it? That's your best excuse?"

"It's not an excuse, it's the truth," Azrael answered with eerie believability. You saw Victoria last week; she works with nobody. How could I ever sit down and conspire with her? And I hardly think that I have any pull over Stephanie McMahon. In fact, I'd like to see you suggest that to her."

"But you were on the plane with her, WAY before most of this began."

"I have various anonymous tipsters," Azrael said with a wink. "And let's just say I have way too much money and time for my own good." She barreled on before Carlito could reply to that. "But why in the hell does a few sudden changes in the women's division warrant so much suspicion? Does the fact that women's wrestling in WWE is garnering some respect hurt your little male ego? Do you and Eric Bischoff, who I suspect asked you to invite me to this gigantic waste of time, feel so insecure about the slightest upsurge in women who are more than decoration that you immediately cook up this absolutely absurd notion of a huge conspiracy?"

Carlito was not expecting this. He stood, slack-jawed and speechless, momentarily forgetting where he was. In the back, Jericho watched from yet another monitor and snickered. He knew at least one person would get burned during this exchange. Initially disappointed with the cordial Azrael of earlier, he was glad to see she was finally showing her claws.

Most of the women in the crowd were rooting loudly for Azrael by now, and a lot of the men too. Pyper, O-Gee and Juice, who had been let back in, were in their seats and leading the cheer.

"I may not know what is going on," Azrael went on, "but I sure as hell am for it. Watching women's wrestling on WWE withering away did absolutely nothing for the great female talent out there, not to mention the great ones that were let go! Seven thousand Diva Searches wouldn't come close to comparing to Molly! Don't you dare back away; if I can't say this to management and Vince McMahon then I'm sure as hell going to say it to you! And if I can at least get some points through that teased up mane of yours into your head then maybe I've done something here worthwhile!" she snapped at Carlito.

Carlito had stepped back, but only to grab an apple from the stash Jericho had so 'thoughtfully' sent him. He bit into it, but was stopped when Azrael's hand lashed out and grabbed him by the ear. "This is a $2000 Armani suit," she snarled at him. "If you attempt to spit apple chunks all over it I will castrate you in your sleep. Are we CLEAR on THAT?"

Carlito, his mouth still full of chewed up apple, nodded mutely. Satisfied, Azrael let him go and then tossed the mic onto a chair before turning to leave.

And Carlito let rip his patented spitting move onto her turned back. Azrael stopped dead in her tracks as soggy apple pieces stuck to her hair and couture. The audience let out a low sound of disgust.

Azrael wasn't smiling anymore. Thoroughly repulsed, she slowly turned back around to meet the grinning face of Carlito. He spoke without the mic. "You may be able to scare and manipulate guys like Jericho, lady, but you don't scare me."

Instead of replying, Azrael pointed wordlessly behind him. Carlito turned and was blindsided by a kick from one of three newcomers in the ring. April Hunter, Tracy Brooks and Malia Hosaka, three of the most notable women wrestlers on the indie scene, began to beat up on the hapless Carlito, much to the delight of the surprised crowd. A double DDT, clothesline and Headhunter later, Carlito was on the mat.

Azrael, trying to ignore the mess that was on her back, took the mic again and went to sit at one of the deck chairs, leaning close to him. "So, Carlito, tell me, getting your ass kicked by three capable women on national television; cool or not cool?"

With that she tossed the microphone away and was about to leave when she caught sight of the barrel of apples. They looked different from the batch Carlito usually had on TV. Azrael took one and ripped off the company logo on the side of the barrel, taking it with her as she exited the ring along with Tracy, April and Malia. They left to a loud ovation.

»»»

In Eric Bischoff's office the said general manager was infuriated. All Carlito had to do was piss her off; insult her clothes, her intellect, her ego, whatever, in order to get her to cough up her implication in this whole matter. Bischoff may have been an asshole but he was no idiot; he knew the women were up to something and he knew Azrael was deeply involved.

The phone on his desk rang. He picked up it grumpily. "What?"

"Nice try, Eric. Too bad it fell flat."

Bischoff scowled. "Stephanie."

Stephanie gave an amused chuckle at the other end of the line. "I have to admit, Eric, I'm a bit impressed that you've managed to figure out that something is going on. It's a bit disadvantageous for us, of course, considering we figured you would be too preoccupied with getting the upper hand in this draft."

"Whatever you women think to accomplish with this little scam of yours, you can be assured that I'll find some way to overturn it," Bischoff said.

"Oh I highly doubt that, Eric," Stephanie said calmly. "By the time RAW is finished, our 'little scam' will have been over. A few loose ends to tie up here and there, but done for the most part. Don't be sore, Eric, you're not the only one who didn't see it coming. Don't forget to be a gracious loser now." And with that Stephanie hung up.

Bischoff somehow managed to refrain from chucking the phone receiver at the wall. He replaced the handset and brooded. RAW had an hour and a half left. There was still time. He got to his feet and went out the door.

»»»

Ivory looked at Stephanie's face as the latter turned off her cellphone. "So, how mad was he?"

"Considerably angry," Stephanie replied. She tapped a finger contemplatively to her lips. "I wouldn't put it past Eric to still pull something out of his ass and attempt to crash this whole thing, though. I think it's time we took him out of the picture," she grinned wickedly. "Well, at least momentarily.

"I was wondering when you would say that," Ivory said with a smile of her own. "I'll find Victoria; we'll take care of it." She headed off, already flexing her fingers as she did so.

Stephanie's grin mellowed into a smile. There was still every chance this could go wrong, case in point the already small hitch of Pyper and company being thrown out momentarily, not to mention the problem of Lita in the match itself. Shaking herself and refusing to think it, she walked off towards the direction of the executive lounge. All the key players were in place and Stephanie had done her part; time for a drink.

»»»

"Jericho!"

Jericho turned at the sound of his name and barely caught the apple that was thrown in his direction. He visibly recoiled as Azrael strode up to him. "Jesus, I know we happen to unfortunately be in the same building, Amara, but it's a big place. Couldn't you have been contented with us NOT having to run into each other?"

Azrael ignored the insult and held up the logo she had taken from the barrel of apples. "I called the company number for this particular branch, and they so very helpfully told me that the last person who ordered that particular haul happened to be one Christopher Irvine, a.k.a. Chris Jericho, a.k.a. you, jackass." She pointed a finger at him. "You shoved me off to Carlito's Cabana, didn't you? And I'll bet you told him to rattle me and encouraged him to do his little apple spitting routine on me."

Jericho smirked down at her. "Oh, it took you that long to work it all out? Getting a little rusty, aren't you?"

"Well I hope you had a good laugh. You'll be getting my dry-cleaning bill," Azrael grabbed the apple back out of his hands and stuffed it in his mouth. "Good night, Jeric-ho." She stalked off.

Jericho bit into the apple and let go with a few laughs before walking off himself.

»»»

In another lounge, the company's currently most-despised couple sat and, well, lounged. Lita was lacing up her boots securely as Edge watched the replay of Carlito's Cabana on the TV screen.

"But you'd tell me, right, if there really is any truth to this female conspiracy?" Edge asked, draining a can of soda. "I mean the Azrael chick came prepared, bringing along those indie women. Are you sure nothing is going on?"

"Hey, if there was one, don't you think I would know?" Lita said, looking up at him from the couch. "I've been one of the most influential women in WWE for the past five years; of course I would be in on something like that! If you ask me, Bischoff's just being paranoid again."

Seeing as Edge had the more brains in this outfit, he seriously doubted that. He was about to say more when Lita held out her arms to him. "So, how about a good luck kiss before my match?"

And to which Edge lost all semblance of rationality and entered into another disgusting lip-lock with her that audiences were fortunate enough not to have to witness.

»»»

The special five-way match was coming up soon. From the women's locker room Alexis and Angel emerged, Trish having to use the john one last time and telling them to go ahead. The two of them were suddenly halted on their way to the ring, though. "You two, stop!"

They both turned and saw Eric Bischoff jogging up to them, a calculating look on his face. "Ladies, I don't think we've been formally introduced. I'm Eric Bischoff, the RAW general manager."

"We know who you are," Alexis said coldly. "You've been passing us up for the past few months for those Diva Search finalists. Tell me, is that paying off?"

"Now I wouldn't be like that if I were you," Bischoff said, not losing his cool. "You see, while you may have gone over my head and gotten a contract from your good pal Stephanie McMahon, I, like I said, am the general manager. As such I have the power to make or break you while you remain on my show. A crappy match here, a shitty angle there, and before long you're stuck jobbing in dead end dark matches against Simona of the current Diva Search."

Alexis' lips pursed in disapproval. Angel frowned worriedly. "What exactly do you want?"

"Blow the match tonight," Bischoff said. "And then afterwards admit to this whole scheme that you women concocted. You women just got here. You wouldn't want to lose this opportunity so soon, now would you?"

Both Angel and Alexis were furious. Fortunately someone spoke up for them. "Blackmail, Bischoff? I'll admit, though, it's right up your alley."

Bischoff turned to see Azrael striding up to him, April, Tracy and Malia still with her. He scowled at them. "Are you four still here? I thought you would have been kicked out by security by now."

"Ah, but I was invited here, and April, Tracy and Malia happen to be with me," Azrael pointed out smoothly. "Oh don't look so annoyed, Bischoff. We were about to leave, anyway."

"Yeah, we were just going to wish Angel and Alexis good luck on the match tonight. Of course we did happen to hear the tail end of your little conversation," April said with a frown.

"Is this why so many talented veterans are being kicked around by inexperienced rookies?" Malia wondered. "So tell us, what did Hurricane do? Was he too entertaining? Or Tajiri? Not able to speak English fluently?"

"And just where do you girls get off talking to me like that?" Bischoff demanded. "I'll have you know that I have a position of power—"

"Blah blah blah, yadda yadda, big deal, Bisch," Azrael said, rolling her eyes. "Unlike Angel and Alexis, none of us have contracts. As such we are more than entitled to tell you to kiss our asses without consequence."

"Not that we would have minded doing so even with contracts," Tracy said with a grin.

"That's right," Angel suddenly said, looking determined. "For the benefit of Alexis and I, plus all the other talented women who will come and go over the next few years, I say fuck off, Eric Bischoff. We're going to do this match, regardless of whatever you may do to us afterwards."

"Well said," another voice spoke up, even as Bischoff turned purple with rage.

Victoria walked over along with Ivory. The raven-haired diva grinned around at everyone. "Well, I didn't know we were having a little gathering over here. Ivory and I would have come over sooner."

At that moment the door to the women's locker room opened again and Trish shuffled out. She blinked in surprise to see them. "What's going on?"

"Oh, Eric here was just in the middle of trying to unravel our whole 'conspiracy' again," Ivory said dryly.

"Unfortunately, Bischoff, you seem to be the only one who cares enough to believe that the women have something planned out," Azrael said nonchalantly. "Which is unfortunate, considering you're right, for once."

"I knew it!" Bischoff said triumphantly. "Finally, one of you conniving bitches admitted it! I'm going to have all of your heads on the chopping block for this, yes, even you four NOT signed to WWE! And I'll get Stephanie McMahon too, boss' daughter or not! I'll—what in the hell are you all smiling about?" he snapped, cutting himself off.

By now all of the women were giving him dangerous grins. They had also rounded up on him in a conveniently otherwise deserted hallway. "You're not very bright, are you, Eric?" Trish said. "Nine of us, one of you, you do the math."

Finally Bischoff seemed to get it. He looked nervously from the smirking Victoria, to the sneering April and the coyly simpering Angel. "You can't seriously be thinking—"

"Get him!" Victoria yelled.

At that all of them dove for Bischoff, save for the injured Trish and the placid Azrael. Within minutes the loudly protesting Eric Bischoff had been beaten to the floor. Azrael and Trish went to act as lookouts as Victoria and the others hauled Bischoff into a storeroom. Inside Ivory, Tracy and Alexis tied him up and gagged him. He was left there, bruised, sore, immobile and glaring fiercely at them, the gag muffling his curses. Victoria shut the door on him with a satisfying thud.

"That'll keep him out of the way for the rest of the night, in the very least," Victoria said, dusting her hands.

"What if someone tries to look for him?" Tracy asked.

"I'll take care of that," Azrael said, jogging off quickly with no further explanation.

"And if someone passes by and hears that racket he's kicking up?" April said, as the thudding sounds in the room became louder.

"That I'll take care of," Ivory said, grinning. "You girls head off, the match is in twenty minutes."

Wishing Victoria, Alexis and Angel good luck, the girls parted with Trish heading ringside and April, Malia and Tracy out the building.


	6. It All Comes Together

  
I apologize for the lateness of the chapter; I had some problems with it. All right, a whole bunch of problems, and as such I hope the ending isn't as weak as I think it is. Oh, and I think it's only fair to warn you that I SUCK at writing matches. So prepare for one of the worst fic bouts ever. Also, this ending, not to mention this fic, is what I wish would actually happen, and obviously not what is actually happening. With WWE's penchant for ignoring fans and talent, it'll probably be a cold day in hell before anything remotely similar happens. Well, with that said, on with the chapter. 

Date Uploaded: 09 August 2005

**Part 06 - It All Comes Together**

"… And from San Bernardino, California, Victoria!" Lillian was announcing as the five-women battle royal was getting underway.

Both Alexis and Angel were already in the ring, eager and waiting for the others to come out. Trish was seated in the corner beside Lillian's chair to watch the match and personally hand the belt over to the victor. Victoria had barely swung into the ring when her music was replaced by 'Walk Idiot Walk' and Christy Hemme appeared at the top of the ramp, bobbing up and down like she normally did. "And from Temecula, California, the 2004 Diva Search winner, Christy Hemme!"

Christy got into the ring and immediately accosted the other three with dirty looks. Victoria merely smiled menacingly in return, Angel scowled back at her and Alexis ignored her altogether.

'Lovefurypassionenergy' hit and Lita came strutting out, and unfortunately was not alone. "And from Sanford, North Carolina, being accompanied by Edge?" Lillian seemed confused. "Lita!"

The happy couple continued down their way, and Angel gave both Victoria and Alexis a faintly horrified stare. Victoria pursed her lips as Lita got into the ring and Edge remained outside, leering at the other girls. Unbeknownst to any of them backstage in the lounge Stephanie gave an irritated sigh and picked up her mobile for another call.

Back in the ring the referee held up the Women's title over his head before handing it back to Trish. The bell was then rung and the match was on.

»»»

In the back Jonathan Coachman, now reasonably cleaner after a quick shower and a change, knocked on Eric Bischoff's office door. After a short moment it was answered by a curt, "What is it?"

"It's Coach, Mr. Bischoff," Coach said, wondering why on earth the door was locked. "Listen, can I see you for a moment? The Diva Search contestants are all complaining that the agreement they signed has been violated by what's been happening this past week."

After another short moment Bischoff said, "That can wait."

"But Eric…"

"What?" the voice this time was irritated, prompt.

"I thought you were as concerned by all this as I am, and why is this door locked?" Coach asked in bewilderment.

"I'm busy," was the answer. And again after a short pause Bischoff said, "Can we talk about this some other time?"

"But it's really important—"

"Coach," Eric barked, startling him. Then his voice mellowed. "Now is not a good time." Pause. "I don't want to be disturbed."

Coach cocked an eyebrow. This was highly unusual. But then again, that was unmistakably Eric's voice.

Suddenly a distinctly more feminine voice said, "Should I go?"

"Candace," Bischoff's voice sounded oddly authoritative here. "No, stay," he then said hastily.

Ah, suddenly Coach understood. He stepped back and looked around. "Don't worry, Eric, I'll make sure you're left alone," he whispered conspiratorially, obviously having been asked by Bischoff to cover for him in the past with other indiscretions. He made a small hand gesture towards the door and left.

Inside the office Azrael let out a relieved sigh. On Eric's desk she had hooked up Pyper's laptop to his computer speakers. She had opened a folder that baffling had sound files of Bischoff talking, all cut from various videos over the years. Apparently Pyper used them over the phone and such for blackmail, and it undoubtedly came in handy now. A quick call to Stephanie asking her to have someone deliver a message that Candace had the night off helped too.

Azrael leaned back in Bischoff's chair and browsed through other folders with similar content, including voices of Triple H, Stone Cold, Vince McMahon, Teddy Long and the Undertaker, rendered useless now considering he was back in his old Dead Man persona and no longer talked. Not surprisingly enough there was a rather full folder labeled 'Chrissie'. After a moment Azrael grinned and then picked up the phone.

»»»

Victoria and Angel started it off. They circled each other for a while and then locked up, Victoria getting the upper hand and scoring a snapmare. Angel was back up easily, though, but ran into a sidewalk slam. Victoria went for a pin but Angel kicked out. Lita then thumped Victoria on the back and tagged herself in.

"Victoria doesn't look happy about that," JR said at commentary. "Lita's trying to capitalize on whatever damage she's already done to Angel."

Lita lifted Angel up by the hair, garnering her a warning from the referee. She hit a somewhat messy snap suplex on Angel and then went to mouth off to the referee, giving Edge the opportunity to help out by choking Angel. This raised an angry cry from Alexis and surprisingly Christy.

"What the… what does Edge think he's doing?" JR demanded angrily.

"He's choking out Angel!" King said. "I know he's out there to help his girl, but that's going a little too far, especially on someone as pretty… eh?" King was stopped halfway as a crewmember came up and handed him a note.

Victoria jumped down from her post and smacked Edge on back of his head, making him let go more out of surprise than pain. "Listen, Edge, fuck off!" Victoria snapped at him, making those who could hear her cheer louder. Pyper, O-Gee and Juice were suspiciously not in their seats at this point.

Edge's response was the grab her in a headlock. "What was that? And why exactly do you think I should take orders from YOU?"

"Hey, let her go!" Christy yelled, as by this time Alexis also started to move over.

This potentially bad scene didn't last long, as Victoria nailed Edge between the legs. Some guys in the front row made a simultaneous grunt of shared pain, which spread as the scene was showed on the Titantron. Edge had no time to recuperate as the next moment somebody emerged from the crowd and clobbered him from behind. Matt Hardy, on what was to become one of his infinite 'crash' appearances on RAW, soon drove Edge backstage, officials right after him.

"Edge!" Lita screamed from the ring, watching as her boyfriend ran off. "You're supposed to stay here and—oomph!" she was cut off when Alexis, who had been tagged by a now recuperating Angel, knocked her from behind.

Alexis threw the redhead to the ropes who then rebounded and countered with a headscissors takedown. Lita then tried to roll her up for a pin, which Alexis reversed, which Lita also reversed, and Alexis reversed another time before the two of them broke it up. Lita then tried for a spear but was caught with a knee smash to the face and then a spinning heel kick that brought her down.

"Beautiful maneuver by Alexis Laree," JR said.

"Lita's got to be feeling the pressure now that she's lost backup," King said in an oddly subdued voice. "Alexis is no stiff in the ring, and now Angel and Victoria have shaken the stars out of their heads, plus there's the still fresh Christy not yet having her turn."

JR gave him a suspicious look. "Hey King, a women's match has been going on in the ring for nearly five minutes now and you've yet to say the word 'puppies' or make any suggestive remarks about the ladies. Doesn't seem like you."

King made a nervous clearing of his throat. "Ehrm, let's chalk it up to an off day and leave it at that."

JR frowned and peeked at the note that was slipped to King earlier. It said, 'King, a little memo; please refrain from making lewd comments and chauvinistic remarks during the women's battle royal. If you do you'll be in so much trouble the divorce proceedings with your former wives would look like a picnic. – Stephanie.' JR shook his head. Well, that explained things.

Lita, who had been kicked around the ring for a while by Alexis, rolled out for a moment, trying to regain her bearings and stretching the rules. Alexis scowled and made motions for her to get back in the ring, but then she suddenly stopped and grinned, pointing towards the ramp. On her guard, Lita turned around and promptly gave a scream as Kane stalked out, a dangerous smile on his face. Lita immediately bolted, Kane following her as she jumped the barrier and ran off through the crowd. The referee soon counted her out.

"And Lita is out of the competition!" JR announced. "Four women are left; who will hold the title by tonight? We'll find out, after the break!"

»»»

While this was a taping, it was still being held for the benefit of a television audience, so there was a momentary lull. Nothing much happened by way of the match, where Alexis and Victoria traded a few calculated blows, but backstage was a different matter.

As mentioned earlier Pyper, O-Gee and Juice were once again out of their seats. Exactly where they were no one was sure, but right before the break an incident happened that could only have Pyper's touch on it. The eight Diva Search contestants were all in the women's locker room, washing themselves off after the food-flinging episode of earlier. A couple of things then happened in succession; the lights went off, the water stopped and the girls were left naked, in the dark and stumbling out of the shower area for clothes that were no longer there. To make matters worse, the door was locked, the sprinklers went off, and a thick liquid began to splatter around the pitch-black area. All eight of them promptly freaked, unsure of what it was. They would soon find out it was actually paint, but that wouldn't happen for another couple of hours.

Oh sure they kicked up a hell of a racket. They screamed for help, banged stuff against the walls and tried to make themselves heard. Unfortunately for them the only person who could hear them was tied up himself; Eric Bischoff was in the storage area beside the locker room, trying to yank his mobile phone out of his pocket. He succeeded, but before he could fumble with it with his bound hands it emitted an ominous beep and died. The battery had run out. If Eric had been able to speak he would have no doubt belted a volley of obscenities at the inanimate object.

So why weren't he and the women heard? Ivory's doing. She roped the area off and spread rumors that there had been a gas leak there and authorities were checking up on it; no one should enter to prevent a possible fire. Needless to say crewmembers, stars and anybody else milling in the back gave said place a wide berth.

»»»

But back to the match. At the ring Victoria tossed Alexis towards a corner and motioned for her to get back up. Alexis began to haul herself up using the ropes, but stopped when Christy Hemme slapped her on the back and tagged herself in. The redhead then slipped through the ropes to face off against Victoria.

Alexis shook her head. "Hey, if she wants what's coming to her so bad…" she shrugged and got in the corner.

Victoria gave a nasty smirk. "Oh really, Christy, don't you think you should stand back and wait until we wear each other out so that you get somewhat of a chance at the title?"

"Mock me all you like, Victoria," Christy shot back. "I've taken you down in the past and I can do it again."

"Sweetie, I hate to break it to you," Victoria said as they circled each other, "but the only reason you thought you had the upper hand back then was because I was ordered you make you look good. Like Trish before that, and Molly before that. I have no such orders now, and neither do Alexis and Angel."

Christy's eyes widened as something finally clicked. "So this WAS a setup! That girl Azrael lied, you were all in it, you put this all together—!" that was as far as she got before Victoria rushed her and lifted her up on her shoulders, scoring a spinning flapjack.

Christy rolled away, but Victoria tagged in Angel, who quickly ran over and applied a half Boston crab. Christy, to her credit, made it to the ropes, but Angel yanked her away and slammed her heavily back to the mat. She dragged the redhead over to Alexis' corner and tagged her in. Alexis Irish-whipped Christy to the opposite corner and set her up for a superplex on the second rope, hitting it perfectly.

JR winced at the impact. "These girls sure are taking it to Christy Hemme. Christy's shown a lot of resiliency in her past matches, but a three-on-one assault like this can wear anybody down."

Alexis tagged in Victoria, who hit a standing moonsault on Christy before applying a leg scissor hold. Christy gave a scream and quickly tapped out, forcing the ref to call the submission.

"Christy's out! Talk about complete decimation; they didn't give her a single chance, JR!" King said.

Christy was groaning in pain as she rolled out of the ring. She looked up to see Victoria and Angel immediately get back into the action in the middle of the ring, not sparing her another glance. She got the point, all right; she was nowhere in their caliber and thus, with their message across, they could care less about her. She limped off towards the back.

"This match bites; none of the clothes are coming off!" one of the fans at ringside complained.

"Hey Christy, Christy, take your top off!" his friend hooted.

They were immediately victim to two large glasses of lemonade upturned on their heads. Pyper, Juice and O-Gee were back from whatever they had done backstage, also fresh from the refreshment stands as well. "You want to say that again, jackass?" Pyper yelled.

"Let's wrap this up," Victoria said in the ring, glancing out of the corner of her eye where Pyper and Juice were once again making a small scene.

"Right," Angel nodded. She dashed forward, attempting a flying forearm, only Victoria caught her in a spinning slam that had her seeing stars for a moment. She fortunately kicked out of the pin attempt that followed.

Victoria tried a DDT, but Angel reversed it into a waistlock suplex. Angel climbed the turnbuckle for a 450 splash, but Victoria got her knees up. A Widow's Peak later and Angel had been rolled up for the three count. It was down to two.

Alexis immediately shot out of her corner and went for a roll-up, but Victoria kicked out. Victoria mounted some offensive by hitting a clothesline and then applying a chicken wing to Alexis. Alexis clawed her way over to the ropes though, and held on with her free arm, Victoria utilizing the five count and letting go before she could get disqualified. Playing to her heel status, she choked Alexis on the ropes and then dragged her to the middle of the ring, laying on an armbar.

"I have to say it has been some quality wrestling in this match," JR said at the commentary table. "It's been a while since a decent women's bout has been aired."

"Not really, there was that lingerie pillow fight last—" King stopped when JR tapped the note. "Oh, right, yeah, I agree wholeheartedly with you, JR."

Alexis, crying out from the submission hold, managed to roll right over Victoria and mercifully touched the ropes with her foot. Victoria let go, but as she bent over to pick up Alexis the latter hit her with an open palm thrust that sent her stumbling backwards. Alexis kicked her in the midsection, and then hit the Laree DDT. She wearily went for the pin. One… two…

"She's got it!" JR yelled. "Aleixs Laree has survived four other women to win the Women's Title in this highly unusual match!"

Alexis got to her feet as the referee grabbed her wrist and held it up, the crowd cheering. Pyper and Juice had forgotten their squabble with the fans in front of them momentarily in order to root for her as well, along with O-Gee. Trish slipped into the ring and handed the belt to Alexis with a smile.

Victoria got out of the ring holding her head with one hand. She watched as Alexis held the belt up in the air, a beaming smile on her face. She simply gave a subdued smile of her own and proceeded towards the back as well, the fans applauding her as she went. Backstage Ivory, Azrael and Stephanie watched from their respective rooms.

Azrael's phone rang. She picked it up. "Hello?"

"Mission was a success," Victoria said to her, apparently having gotten backstage already.

"Yes it was," Azrael said, watching Alexis celebrate by means of the TV set in Bischoff's office. "But you do know that it's far from over, right?"

"Of course. But at least we've paved the way to a reform, so to speak. Thanks, Azzie, I'll let you get back to canceling your credit cards and tracking down your French stud now."

"Add Cabana Boy to the bunch; I have a few plans for him. See you, Victoria."

»»»

Epilogue (Of sorts…)

Christy Hemme was shipped off for some proper training at Ohio Valley Wrestling, with strict orders to release her back to the main roster only when she mastered moves other than the sunset and monkey flip, and learned how to take a fall properly. Bookers expect to see her back within the space of a year in the very least.

Maria Kanellis was ordered to either become a competent interviewer or a competent airhead, as she had been quite inept at either and John Cena could no longer carry the interviews for her. Ivory suggested a few shots in the head borne of a couple of wrestling matches. They seemed to do the trick; Maria became ditzier than ever. Smarks couldn't quite tell if this was a good thing or a bad thing.

Eric Bischoff was not a happy camper once he was discovered in the storage room, almost two days later. He attempted to file charges against the nine women who put him there, but was soon wrapped up in squelching rumors that he had been having an illicit affair with former Diva Search candidate Candace Michelle. Candace, for her part, had since jumped to Smackdown!

After the damaging effects of Pyper, O-Gee and Juice's plans on the last bunch of Diva Search contestants, the wretched contest was never held again. Although disappointed at having lost fodder to torment, Pyper nonetheless is still keeping herself busy pissing off the likes of Triple H, Kurt Angle, Carlito Caribbean Cool and scaring Chris Jericho and John Cena with her fan girly tendencies.

Speaking of Chris Jericho, he has since canceled his various credit cards and changed phone numbers after seventeen boxes of beer, a solid hundred boxes of pizza and bizarrely two crates of live chickens were delivered to him. While he has never been able to quite prove who pranked him, the note saying, 'Enjoy, – Amara' has given him a good idea of who to blame.

Showing that WWE will offer a contract to anybody off the streets, Azrael was asked if she was interested in a managing stint. Horrified at becoming one of the useless divas she abhorred, Azrael chucked the offer at the window, forgetting once again the mold had not quite hardened on the glass and thus dislodging and breaking it for the third time.

Lita, as far as one knows, is still keeping considerable distance from Kane, assuming their ride in the ambulance didn't do enough damage. Edge has lost it and become paranoid, claiming to see Matt Hardy jumping out at him from every angle at every moment of the day. His brother Christian signed his papers to admit him into an insane asylum.

Alexis Laree held the Women's Championship for four months before losing it to Victoria in a long stretch of impressive matches and feuds that also involved a recovered Trish Stratus and Angel Williams. With Stephanie pushing to beef up the women's roster, it is assumed that women's wrestling will enjoy a healthy push throughout the next few years.

Well, only time will tell.

**END**


End file.
